Too weak to fight, too strong to fall

Elisa v Depression, Battle Royale 2009

I can feel it trying to creep in and I am fighting with all of my might. I am having trouble with hope (yes, again). I seem to be at some sort of turning point, where I am coming to terms with loneliness, the kind that doesn't ever go away. It will be around no matter if I am married with 2.5 kids or single and living in a tiny garage apartment. The loneliness that comes from being a believer in a broken world, someone who longs for Heaven and occasionally tastes it.

This is not all bad, in fact it is probably good. The realization that no matter how much I scurry around and try to suck life out of things, it won't work. My life will have beauty, yes...but always a loneliness. It seems the sooner this is accepted, the sooner you can rest in it. Rest in loneliness.

I am growing in ways that I didn't think I would ever grow. In my relationships with men, my relationships with friends, relationships within my family. The growth is painful, but beautiful. It is right and good, but not easy. Simple but not easy.

Needless to say, I feel pretty weird these days. A little all over the place. I am constantly searching for redemption and finding it in the strangest places and situations. Hoping for more and trying to live in the realization that I may never get what I want. That sometimes boys will be morons and not know what they want until it is too late. That beauty sometimes looks like a sunny day on my bike and NOT waking up next to someone every morning. That the greatest thing in my life may not be raising children, but instead serving my community. Or it could be both.

Slowly realizing that in the end I cannot write my own story.

Come to my prom! Support Bici...and me

I know I haven't talked much about it on here, but I am in the process of starting a Non-Profit bike shop, Bici Co-op. Check it out here: www.bicicoop.org.

I am really excited and passionate about this and can't wait until we get it up and running. I think it will have a great impact on Birmingham, in terms of advocacy and bike-friendliness. We hope to be a place in the community and for the community. Bikes are the most efficient form of transportation in the world and a great option for greener commutes as well as a reliable way for lower income people to get to work. Most of the problems with bikes are a)asquisition and b)maintenance. Bici will tackle both as cheaply (or free) as possible. No one will be turned away for an inability to pay. Our goal is to teach people to maintain their own rides and then give them a place to do it and tools to use, under mechanic supervision to ensure safety.

For Profit bike shops are great places, but are daunting and often cater to affluent members of the community. Makes sense since they are for profit. We want to get the rest of the community on bikes.

If you have any old bikes or bike parts and would like to send them our way, send me a message. We are in the process of becoming 501(c)3, so can write you a receipt for your donation. We also have an amazon wish list and are taking financial contributions. The shop is going to be located in the Highland Park area, next to the Unity Church. This is close to downtown, Southtown, UAB, Crestline, Avondale...you get the picture. This side of the mountain actually has no bike shops at all, let alone anything that would be affordable.

Please come to our prom and support this Community Project. It will a blast, and you will be doing something good.

Got Questions? Want to help? Need a bike? email me or comment.

thanks friends!

Scramble!

Wouldn't it be nice if we could get this in Birmingham? Or if we could even get enough Pedestrian/Bike traffic to warrant it?

Weekend Round-up

nice weekend, over too quickly. Full of friends, food, flowers, food...and some more food.

Friday night I had 2 lovely, lovely girls to my home for dinner. I was one of their Community Group leaders for a long time and have seen them grow into beautiful, mature Christ loving women. All 3 of us have had hard years so we ate good food (basil pesto and pork tenderloin, preceded by Mark Bittman's Rosemary-Lemon White bean dip. It was delicious, healthy and so easy), and talked and lamented and laughed. I loved it.



Saturday started at Pepper Place, my favorite summer activity. It is berry season in Alabama and I bought some big, juicy Blackberries as well as peaches and blueberries. Berry season makes summer in Alabama worth the heat...almost! Spent a few hours working for our One Day Sale, which was not as bad as I thought it would be. How can it be bad when I am surrounded by books?

Saturday night found Amanda and I cooking yet another recipe from The Splendid Table's How to Eat Supper (highly recommended); Salmon Pan Roast with Garlic Shavings and Basil on Fresh Greens and Warm White Bean Salad with Fragrant Garlic and Rosemary. Oh. My. Goodness. It was delicious. Both having purchased new SLR cameras with our incentive money, we walked to the Birmingham Botanical Gardens to practice a bit. It was a humid night when the greens are so green and the colors pop. Took some good shots I think. Finished the night with fresh fruit and homemade whipped cream (good despite the fact that the peaches tasted a bit like garlic having been cut on the same cutting board...oops).



Sunday started having brunch with a new friend at my favorite place, Chez Lulu. He and I talked about food and books and Southern culture. Had the brunch special (Ham and Brie cheese Strata beside garlic cheese grits and fresh fruit) and ordered both Blackberry and Blueberry pies. the best in town in my opinion. Go get some quick-the blackberry pie is around for a very limited time. As in, this batch of blackberries and that's it. I may go back this week for more! Spent the rest of the day napping and hanging out.



I should be at church right now, but I am not. I am not sure why I am so reticent to go these days. Maybe the fact that everyone knows me and my story? Lately I find myself yearning for anonymity. The past 3 years have been painful and that is no secret at church, as much of the pain has had to do with the church and it's members. I know that is what happens when you live in Community, but I am not loving it right now. I am hopeful that this is a stage and I will be back soon. I have gone and left so many times recently that I am sure noone is surprised!



well, the first weekend of summer was a success. I hope that yours was as well.

Weekend round-up

I haven't done a weekend round up in a while, so I thought I would do one tonight. As opposed to the heavy laden post I was planning on doing. Enough heavy posts lately.

Friday I had a new, but becoming good, friend for dinner. We drank beer and ate too much cheese and cooked and talked. We talked about being single women and how hard it is and our longings and the Fall...you know, typical girl night fodder...
I hope that our dinners become a regular thing.

Saturday I woke up early and headed to Pepper Place. It was HOT outside. I was quickly reminded that I do not enjoy Alabama summers. At all. However, Pepper Place market is my favorite thing about Birmingham, so I brave the heat. If I don't go every week (last week I slept until 1pm and missed it completely), I find that my eating for the week suffers. That is where I buy a lot of my fruit and vegetables for the week. This week I was delighted to see Blackberries and swiped them quickly up.



I then went to a super fun, laidback baby shower for Susan. It was truly a celebration and was refreshing. We laughed and joked and talked about what kind of girl Carrie is going to be and what kind of parents Su and David will be. Watching Carrie grow up is going to be fun. I can't wait to meet her. Sadness snuck it's way in after a few hours so I excused myself and went home. Where I slept and read for the rest of the day...which was wonderful.



I think that rest was much needed. As was some good alone time, which I had been avoiding for some time now.

Sunday I got up, made some delicious blackberry muffins and packed a bag for a day on the river. We canoed for 5 hours and arrived home exhausted. The kind of day where your body is tired and your muscles cry for rest. Where your body is too tired for your mind to keep you up at night. It is amazing what being on the water and using my body does for my soul. As Patty Griffin says " I need a little place in the sun sometimes for I think I will die". The sun and swimming did me good today.


A good day.




Here's to a good week. I leave Thursday for Wisconsin to see my youngest sister graduate High School. Way to go Ash. This year has been hard, but you did it. I am so proud!!

My life has been such a whirlwind since I saw you

That REO Speedwagon song has been in my head for days. Strange!

Thanks for all of the kind notes and calls and emails the past few days. I didn't realize that post sounded so sad. That was not my intention, but so be it.

Well, I decided it was time for action. This little funk seems to have settled it's happy ass down and decided to stay for a visit. One things i have learned over the past few years is this- "Fake it till you make it". In other words, do things that you used to enjoy and maybe eventually you will enjoy them again. I am not going to go around smiling and denying that I am unhappy, but I am also not going to give in and go to bed.

Last night I cooked dinner for a 2 close friends and enjoyed their company. I tried not to beat myself up that I had not gone to get drinks with other friends who had invited me. Cooking was good for me, as was some gardening and taking photographs. After dinner, we made butter! I have been wanting to do this for a while, so John decided to teach me (it involves a lot of shaking and some dancing and laughing). Let me tell you, homemade butter is awesome. Creamy and light. I had it on toast for breakfast and was happy.

This weekend I am going canoeing again, something that is very life giving to me. The water, the sun, the trees, using my muscles...I love it. I never used to be an 'outdoorsy' person, but this year I am discovering my inner naturalist and athelete! I am also hoping to have another friend for dinner and beer and laughing.

And The Beatles are helping as well. and Wilco. And Feist. Tristan and J Mraz. G Love. Good, happy summertime music. Well, Wilco Sky Blue Sky isn't happy, but comforting.

These things may not make the sadness go away, but at least it will make it bearable. I don't want to have a year pass me by in a grief induced stupor. My life is different now, but it is still my life. Incoporating the grief into my life seems to be the key to survival. Don't deny it, but don't make a bed for it to sleep in either.

I am sure there will be lots of pictures coming up. I have a few of the butter churning that I need to put up. I am not sure making butter has ever been so physical or hysterical!

A little note

Have you ever felt like crying for no reason whatsoever? That is how I feel tonight. The tears are so close. Nothing has happened to make these tears come tonight, it is more of a heaviness that I know will linger. As though these tears may take away some of the weight of the past 5 months, a general weariness that sometimes I forget about.

Just sending this to the great abyss out there.

Good night abyss.

Whole Trends

There is a movement that is growing rapidly, perhaps you have seen or heard about it. It is called many things; "Green", "Localvore", "Slow Foods"....you know, Michael Pollan and Barbara Kingsolver and CSA's and growing your own food, etc. An argument I have heard often against this is: It's so trendy. People are only into it because it's cool.

My response-So what?

If it is cool to eat well and support local economy and wonder where your lettuce comes from, well, I don't have a problem with that. Sure, the name Michael Pollan is thrown around...and the word "organic" has been raped of it's original meaning. I know that there is also a growing trend of Industrial Organic farming (meaning feed lots and no grazing, but 'organic' feed and grains) and that Whole Foods gets the majority of it's food from a few huge farms, but I am still hopeful. I think that the reason this trend has caught on is that it is what our society is longing for. It feels good, it connects us to things bigger than us (that does not have a CEO).


It is bigger, yet smaller. The world is huge now, much too big for me to grasp. Aren't we made for community? I see so much community in talking to a farmer about his land as you buy eggs and radishes from him. Seeing their children, the ones they are supporting with the vegetables that they refuse to poison on the land that they don't want to sell to an Industrial Farm. Knowing that the peaches you eat are grown just a few miles from your house and the honey you put on your toast is from a hive that has not been lost in Alabama. Sure, that means that I haven't had grapes in a while, and I do miss that. But I will not be eating a tasteless peach or homogenized honey.

This is not to say that I am against eating all things not grown here. I do it all the time. However, each time I shop, I think about my food and my body. I wonder how tasty a tomato that is just now ripe in the stores, clearly picked weeks ago and ripened in a truck is going to be. I normally pass it up. There are some (many) things that are not produced here, and I am thankful that I am able to get them if I so desire (coffee!).

Here is my point (and I do have one)-If everyone who is following this 'hip new food trend' wondered about their food, a difference would be made. I believe in grass roots movements and small change. I believe that my shopping trends and eating trends have an impact. I believe that our families will be healthier and our children more respectful of their food and community. I believe it is better for my health (both body and mind) to eat good, wholesome food that I or someone in my community has grown. I know that homemade stock if better than store bought, sue me.




In the words of a good friend: F*@k cornsyrup.

Redemption

This was to be my wedding day. It was a lovely day with friends who celebrated life with me.

Beauty in the ruins.

Weekend round-up

This weekend was full of friends and parties and art and weirdness. I am exhausted, physically and emotionally, so forgive me if this entry is a bit spacey.

Friday my friend Jenn came to stay with me. Jenn has been in Malawi, Africa for six months as a missionary, so I was very glad to see her. So glad that I gave up my Friday night routine for her! She, Carrie and I talked and laughed and caught up until the wee hours (or midnight, which seems really late these days).

Saturday we both slept till 11! Then we got up and sat outside in my garden area and ate veggie omelets and drank too much coffee for a few hours. I caught her up on my life (when she left I had just gotten engaged, so lots has happened...), and it was a lovely morning. Around 2:30, we decided to get dressed and go to lunch. An afternoon with good food and shopping and bookstore browsing commenced. This was followed by a going away party for Brent at Cal's house. It was very nice, with different groups of people and babies and food and cigars and beer. I floated in and out of all of the groups and generally had a good time.

I am in such a weird place right now. I am simply not very comfortable in big groups. This is a big change for me, as I have always been very social and am really good in big groups. Now however, I feel out of place. I know that it is because I am changing so much and trying to fit the changes into my life, but it still sucks. I am either really quiet (which I am ok with), or I become 'life of the party' Elisa. Center of attention, joking, being silly. I DO NOT like this Elisa. One day I will be able to be that person again in public, but now it feels strange and I want to crawl under a rock. My life feels quieter, so I am more comfortable being quieter and calmer. Does that even make sense? Anyway, the party was really nice and it was good to see old friends and get to talk to Brent and wish him well.

Sunday was brunch with a family that I love. They are family to me, and I am so grateful to have them in my life. There is something beautiful about being able to go to someone's house and be 'Sisa', and eat food with them and be with them as they go about regular life. Help myself to their coffee and read stories with their kids. I love it. Later, after a lovely hour on the Starbucks patio, Jenn and I went to Magic City Art Connection. It was my first time there and I really dug it. I bought some lovely jewelry, some as gifts for others, some as gifts for me. On to church. Again, it was nice. The sermon was about Death, and I think that I have some questions for Tom, but will deal with that later...

After church I went to Surin with my friend Liz and her Community Group. Again, a big crowd. Again, hilarious Elisa was out. I had a good time,but was a bit awkward being around young married couples, as my wedding date was to be 2 weeks from Saturday. I am gearing up for a sucky start to May. Scott's birthday is the 6th, wedding date on the 10th, Honeymoon 12-20. sigh. I don't want those days to come and go. I don't want to wake up on May 10 and go canoing instead of get married. I want to have my wedding and wear my dress and dance to The Spots and become his wife and start our lives together. That is what I want.

I digress.

All in all, a nice weekend. Bittersweet. One of the best parts was realizing how much I love my apartment and what retreat from the world it is. Well, I am exhausted tonight and looking forward to resting a bit this week. Next weekend is Jazz Fest(!) and I am very much looking forward to that. I do love Festival Season!

Thanks friends, for sticking with this. Thanks for the beers and the support and for letting me be melancholy or silly or loud or insecure or honest or awkward or quiet. It is appreciated. Have a great week!

Weekend round-up

This weekend round-up is going to be a bit redundant, as I've blogged a bit this weekend.

Friday night, I did what I do almost every Friday night. Not a thing. I came home, ate and took a little nap. Awoke and putzed around the house, showered a read until bed at midnight. This is my little routine on Fridays and I find myself looking forward to it starting every Wednesday.

Saturday I spent the day in Waverly, AL. See last post for more on this.

Sunday was a lovely, lovely day. Breakfast with a dear friend at V Richards. We normally only spend about 45min to an hour, but today it was nearly 2 hours. I sorely needed the encouragement and fellowship. Thanks Charlotte. I came home, grabbed a blanket, book and glass of water and headed outside. I laid on the ground and perused the Times Book Review. After about an hour, I realized that the backs of my knees were sorely sunburned (oops) and I headed inside...to finish my nap. It was a heavenly rest with the breeze and the smell of fresh earth and the birds chirping. Next up was a grocery store bike ride, where I was nearly run over by the many, many, many people in my neighborhood for the Earth Day free admission to the Zoo and festival at the Botanical Gardens. I had planned on strolling over to the gardens later, and promptly decided that was a terrible idea.
I have found that a great way to talk to my neighbors is to park my bike somewhere. Everyone wants to talk about it, or reminisce about the time they rode a similar one, of how badly they want to start riding again. Today it was an older gentleman who told me that he belonged to, and helped start, the Birmingham Bike Club. He described the bike he used to ride (flown in from Japan!) and the good times the club had. He fondly recalled the picture that the inagural group took and described it to me in painstaking detail. It was certainly a refreshing, surprising conversation for a balmy Sunday afternoon.
Went to church and was again delighted at how at home I feel. It is such a gift. Scott K. gave a great sermon and music was, as always, inspiring and worshipful.
Home to cook. Sat down on the kitchen floor, with NPR's The Splendid Table podcast (a Sunday night ritual) playing and cookbooks spread around me. I decided what to cook for dinner (summer squash), and blanched some green beans to make a green bean salad in the morning. I love looking through each cookbook and seeing what strikes my fancy. Today it was Essentials of Classic Italian Cooking by Marcella Hazan as well as Provence: The beautiful cookbook. Both highlight the flavor of vegetables with simple preparation. Planned some meals for the week, ate the one prepared tonight and dreamed of a trip to Italy. Instead of Italy, I opted to do laundry. What an exciting life I lead! Just like those single women on Sex and the City...or the complete opposite.

Well, off to read Alton Brown's Feasting on Asphalt:The River Run (do you sense a theme in my life?!). I hope you all had a restful and enjoyable weekend. Sweet Dreams.

Weekend round-up

This weekend was relatively quiet. Nothing particulary bad ass, just my normal badassiness.
Friday-After work I did nothing. At all. I came home, started some laundry, sat on the couch...and fell asleep. I woke up at 9:30, putzed around, read a bit...and went back to sleep.
Saturday was a bit more exciting. Went to Urban Standard. I love it there, but don't go much because it is farther away than many other coffee shops and with the price of gas...you get the drift. Those of you who will in suburbia will say that it is not too far away (as it is only 10 minutes), but there are about 5 coffee shops on my way, so I prefer to stay closer to home. ANYWAY, I wrote a little bit and talked a little bit (and maybe flirted a little bit), and left. Went to my friend Natalie's to meet with her mother in law for a holistic healing diagnosis. It was so interesting and helpful. I have a package of supplements coming tomorrow. Roll your eyes if you like, but I believe wholeheartedly in holistic medicine and healing. It was also nice to see the home that Natalie and Allan have made. they are so cool.
I then raced home to get ready for a party for a 1 year olds birthday, sat on the couch...and fell asleep. I woke up 30 minutes late and sad, so I didn't go. Just wasn't in the frame of mind emotionally to be around happy, beautiful people. Maybe I should have gone, but i didn't. Sorry Treads. Then went to BAM at Brookwood to read magazines and hang out.
Sunday I woke up early and my Dad and his wife came for Brunch. I fixed a wonderful recipe from Apples for Jam. White risotto with fried eggs. Side of fresh Asparagus and thick bacon. It was delicious and the visit was nice. My Dad and I have had a tenuous relationship for some time now. However, this time things were different. He was gentler and seemed happy. Less angry and impulsive. He told me that he volunteers at his church's breadbasket (the Church thing was shocking enough!), and he and June play scrabble for fun. It seems that after 50 years he decided to grow up. Good for him. Good for me. Good for our relationship. Took another nap (I slept A LOT this weekend) and then went to church. Again.
And you know what, I wasn't angry. I wasn't scared. It felt good. The sermon was wonderful. I saw people who had hurt me and felt no anger toward them, just sadness. Not weeping sadness, but a sadness that we are all sinners stuck here for while, trying to muddle through and not damage each other too much.
Then cooked a yummy dinner, wrote a bit, paid bills (thank goodness for the IRS and my bonus) and went to bed.
Another weekend down. No trauma. A success.

Next weekend: A crawfish boil, Old 280 boogie in Waverly and the Botanical Gardens Earth Day Celebration...stay tuned

I need a little place in the sun sometimes

A visual of my little garden stoop:




Come summer, I will have so many tomatoes, greens, lemons and beans that I may set up a stand on the side of the road. Or invite friends over to share in my bounty, eating tomatoes over bread, drizzled with olive oil and fresh basil. Beans steamed immediately off the vine, with a dash of fresh lemon vinaigrette and accompanied by a glass of wine and conversation. Dessert of sweet strawberries and whipped cream. A taste of heaven. A respite from the brokenness of this life.

Lovely

Little Darlin' it seems the snow is slowly melting

Pictures from Easter!
Some were taken by me, some by family...some even by my 5 year old brother. There are many, many more, but these capture the day pretty well. Enjoy.

Weekend round-up

This weekend round-up is belated due to exhaustion. I was too tired from the very weekend I was attempting to write about. After 2 rambling, incoherent attempts (I know, I know...how is that different from every other post? it was, somehow), I gave up and decided to wait until I had an ounce of energy. So, here we go.

Friday I eagerly anticipated the arrival of family. Unfortunately, their 12 hour drive had snowstorms, car accidents (not theirs) and traffic, so I did not get to see them. However, I spent the evening grocery shopping, cleaning out bookshelves...I got rid of over 40(!) and worrying about the impending holiday...the one where I had decided to have 9 people to my tiny apartment for Easter supper.

Saturday was re-no day. My mom and I painted my bedroom (2 coats) and arranged furniture. This took all. day. Carrie and her mom stopped by for the mom's to meet. My mom cried when she saw Carrie and thanked her for taking good care of me after Scott's death. It was a touching moment. An unexpected trip to the paint shop (no-VOC paint is wonderful, I used Harmony by Sherwin Williams and there no fumes at all...however, it takes a bit more paint than the normal, chemical filled kind. Just so you know )and a lunch at O'Carrs, and then just 1 more hour of painting and we were done! Then I relaxed by going to V.I.P night at the new restaurant in town, Fire and Ice. It was lovely. Complete with free food, not free beer, flirting waiters, delish meals and way too much laughter. We spoke of the thermostat as though it were a person! And we weren't even intoxicated! We were also shushed by a bitter fellow outside. I may or may not have said something along the lines of 'if his wife were half as loud as we were, he would probably be a happier man'...or something like that. Went home, where more family came into town and we finished up the apartment prep for...
EASTER! Woke up early and went and had coffee with my little sis, Ashley. It is so nice to see her. She moved to Wisconsin in Dec., and this is the farthest we have ever lived apart. She is one of my best friends and it is nice to have her staying with me for most of the week. Lots of sitting on the bed late at night talking about life. ANYWAY, then the madness began. We straightened, mopped, did food prep...the works. Mom came over and real work began. I did not have foil for the ham (who knew you needed foil?), nor did I have enough potatoes...thank God for the Western's Easter hours. Everything was scheduled for 2...so at 1:45 they all started rolling in. We had been counting on those last 15 minutes to get a lot done, so the moment the cars pulled up was a flurry of last minute activity ("Quick, grab my handbag, hide this mirror we never got around to hanging, move the coffee table, Ashley, go stall...er, help them out of their cars!").
The next 4 hours passed in a haze of cooking, talking, playing baseball in the backyard with my 5 year old brother and good memories of Scott. Oh, didn't I mention? To honor Scott and do something that I knew he would love, I invited his paternal Aunt and Uncle and Grandmother. They got along just swimmingly with everyone, and I think everyone fell in love with everyone else. Lots of laughing and politics talk (what is it with people over 65 talking loudly about politics?) and remembering holidays past. Stories were told, glasses were lifted, friends were made. It was a very redemptive meal for me. Here in my apartment, inviting everyone to my table and preparing food. Breaking bread with one another, knowing the sadness that had past and feeling the new life that Easter and Spring bring with them.
The house emptied at 6:45 and I sat down exhausted. Shed some tears over the sadness of doing this by alone and missing Scott. He would have loved it. Every second of it. He would have been in the kitchen, cooking and out back, playing baseball, pouring wine for the older folks and telling stories with Sue Ellen.
At 8:30 I was in bed, asleep by 9:30. Whew.

Easter had new meaning for me this year. Life after death. Celebration after Mourning. Feasting after fasting. Yes.

*pictures to come soon*

Weeds sprout through, dark green enough to be blue

Random thoughts on a sleepy night.
I should be at The Spots show. I have been looking forward to it for a long time. Yet, here I am, in my PJs in front of my computer. Many reasons for this. I am exhausted (today was the first 'this is what your job is going to look like after the downsizing', and it is busy). I also attended a wedding today! My dear friend Wesley was married to Deanna today on St. Patricks day, which we lovingly refer to as "Wesley's Valentines Day". It was lovely. Only about 25 of us and Wes, in his green shirt and tie, smiling like a Cheshire cat and Deanna giggling and looking beautiful. It was not as hard as I imagined a wedding would be, but it wasn't easy. I kept thinking things like "Oh, that is what I was planning" and "I want this".
The Spots were the band that I was planning on having play at my wedding. I didn't realize how that affected my decision not to go until now, as I sit here with tears streaming down my face. Not necessarily bad tears, just tears of loss. They are much less frequent, but still there. sigh. I plan to make it to their next show, as they are my favorite live show. Fantastic and fun and intimate, no matter how many people are in the room. They create a great vibe. It was probably just the vibe I need tonight! ;)

On another note, check out this blog: Spitball Army. CJ introduced me to it after he wrote a post about Bicycling. I am hooked. It is funny and smart and intelligent (those are two different things) and very sharp. Also quite informative. You can tell that he is interested in a lot and appreciates many things. Not to mention that he is now (along with BTM and JN and CJ) one of the people I want standing next to me as I buy a new cd. His love and knowledge of music is contagious and oozes out of most everything he writes. Go there. Now. Don't even finish this post...it is just as rambly as the last 50!

I have noticed that I have visitors from all over the country looking at the blog. That is strange to me. Do I know you? How do you find this? I guess the same way that I find random blogs...it is different when it is just my little blog.

I am in the midst of an apartment overhaul. This is all an attempt to create a sense of home here. I realized last week that this is the only apartment that I have ever had that did not have a boy attached to it somehow. This one is all me. I like that. No one to consider when decorating, no memories attached to painting, or hanging drapes. Only the memories of my community coming together to get me settled in my new home when nothing else was settled. Truly. Anna organized the kitchen, David and John hung pictures, Chris hung my drapes, CJ helped me decide if the color organized bookshelves were a good idea, Carrie helped me throw away spoons that needed to be tossed (long story). Everyone helped me with trucks and muscles with all 3 of my moves (3!). Now it is me and I am really starting to like it. i love that my kitchen has a back door, so everyday I cook with the door open and a neighborhood cat, Rascal, comes and sits on the patio and lounges in the sun. 2 dogs come by every day to sniff what is cookin. I have a compost pile and 2 garden that are open canvases for my imagination. This is home and I like it. Despite the circumstances that brought me here, I like it. One day I really think I will love it.

Weekend round-up

What a spring weekend! It was fun and productive and relaxing. Here is the rundown:

Friday they send us home early because of morale (see previous post for details). Also want to note: They are done downsizing, so I made the cut. Friends of mine did not. However, my job is going to change drastically, as there are now only 2 Assistant Buyers for the entire company. Updates this week as news breaks on that.
Came home, opened the windows and took a mid day nap on my new bed. It is so relaxing and wonderful. No problems sleeping anymore. phew. Spent the rest of Friday cleaning, hanging pictures and getting ready for...
Book Swap! Saturday I made coffee, did some last minute organizing and sat on the couch to read. 11:20 and friends started showing up. It was a great time. Old friends, new friends, Bain Morris (and his family)...it was beautiful. Played outside, hung out inside, the works. The weather cleared up enough and it turned out to be a pretty day. I also visited Urban Standard for the first time. I am hooked. this is the real deal folks...a good coffee shop with real mugs and delish mocha's and killer orzo pasta salad. Check it out this week, I insist! On to Green Cup Books, where CJ hugged a book and I smelled them all (seriously). Another must do in the city. Very cool and new. Support them.
Finished the day at another bookstore, looking at home magazines to inspire my apartment re-do (see Apartment Therapy: The cure..an 8 week program to get your apartment healthy and beautiful).
Sunday: slept late, made coffee and breakfast...went back to bed with coffee and books and macbook. Stayed there till 1. Went immediately to the garden where I spent the next 2 hours tilling, weeding, sowing. I had quite the dirt manicure. And a good sunburn. While I was doing that an idea popped into my head that I worked on as soon as my hands were clean. A new blog!

Called Life as a Garden, I envision this blog to be a shared blog of women in our city. Telling tales of gardening, cooking, baking, decorating, entertaining. Building and maintaining our 'nests' here in Birmingham. You can find it here. If you would like to be a part of it, let me know and I will add you. Ideally, I would love for it to include women of all ages and stages and walks of life. A place to share our triumphs, difficulties, tests, mistakes, questions about all things relating to our homes (whatever and wherever they may be) and our communities and families. Trying to incorporate beauty and life into everyday living. I am curious to see if it works and what it will turn into.

Well, time to make pesto ravioli from scratch. Wish me luck.

Happy St Patricks Day. Go see The Spots tomorrow (Monday) at The Speakeasy. All the cool people will be there. Including me.

Weekend round-up

This weekend was more social than most. It felt like my 'coming back into the real world' weekend, which was nice though daunting. Here is the run down:
Friday: work 1/2 day, in jeans. Pissed off at the impending weather doom. After work, made some killer guac. and headed to Susan's house with CJ for some catching up. Laughed so hard that I cried. We joked, mourned, celebrated, ate good food, drank good drinks. It was so refreshing. That is the way I would describe Su...refreshing. I could tell dirty jokes about ex boyfriends and politicians and we would just laugh, laugh, laugh. Loved it.

Saturday: Brunch with friends that was a bit of a friend set up. Walked around Naked Art, admiring the great local art and reminiscing about when it was Zoeys, and VRichards was too small to seat everyone (I miss it). Then I went and illegally printed some Screenplays from a library. I am not going to say much, except that we got busted and I still got the print-outs and saved the day. I am such a bad ass! Like Uma Thurman, without the killing and the Quentin Tarantino dialogue.
Speaking of dialogue, next month starts Script Frenzy, the month long insanity of writing a full length screenplay in 30 days. I participated last year with friends and this year am the leader of the Birmingham Region. It was such a fun event and I highly recommend it to everyone. It is just 30 days of free flowing ideas and typing any bad idea that comes to mind. No editing, just writing. It is a rush and I rediscovered my love of writing from it. I actually went on to enter a contest, which I placed 4th in (a big deal for a beginner). If you are interested, check out the link and get in touch with me. You won't regret it. More posts to come on it. ANYWAY, I also read some scripts this weekend.

Saturday night I went with CJ to the Magic City Art Connection benefit soiree. What a scene. The Birmingham paparazzi was out in full force, as were everyone who wanted to see and be seen. We mingled, had our pictures taken, drank some free beer and hit the road...to the Speakeasy to see Vulture Whale. What a fun band of nice guys who make kick ass music. Check em out. Always enjoy their shows. Also played some rousing games of Foosball, which created a bit of a crowd (people seem to love dressed up girls drinking beer and yelling at the table,not to mention talking complete smack to each other!). Stayed and saw a few songs by Tiger Piss...an, um, interesting band. Got home late, smelling like smoke.
this was a crowd of people that I had not seen in about 2 months, and I was very nervous. It was great. I went with a safe friend, and eased into the social scene. I don't think that I will be back in full force, but occasionally it is nice.

Sunday, I did what is becoming routine. Sleep late, then bike to Starbucks to read and hang out. Got a call that I am getting an antique dresser, chest and new Queen sized bed this week...as a gift! Yea! I am trying to make my apt homey, especially my bedroom...this is going to do wonders for that. Am so very, very excited. A nice end to a nice weekend.
Well, I have another script to read and some dishes to do. This time change thing is messing me up, but I love it! Daylight at 6:35!!
Have a good week.

Mark your Calendars

I am having a book swap! I have WAY too many books that I get from work, both childrens and adult...so time to share. I am not vouching for the literary wonderfullness of any, but they are free. If you have any books or cd's you are ready to part with, bring 'em by. I plan to do this fairly regularly. I figure it is also a good way for us 'bloggy friends' to hang out. Bring your non-blogging friends as well (if there are any out there...). Please come even if you have no books to swap...you can pick some up and then swap them next time.

Saturday March 15 11-3 Open house style. I will be hangin' out, probably reading or getting my hands dirty outside.
Come on by. Stay for 10 minutes, stay for all 4 hours. If you get there early enough there may be snacks!
You can admire my tiny garden, drink some beer...talk books, whatever. Kids are welcome, as I have a big grassy area out back for running and playing. Adults are encouraged to run and play as well.

I am not going to include my address, but most of you know how to get in touch with me. Or know someone who does. Directions will make their way around, I am sure of it.

See you then! More reminders to come!

The Tree of Life my soul hath seen

The most beautiful pictures I have seen in quite some time.

Caleb Melese Treadwell and his parents. Welcome to our community Caleb. We love you already.