Till Death

For those of you that I have not told...I am engaged! To Scott Rogers, the best man I know. To be married on June 21, the Summer Solstice. I am so very happy and excited. Also a bit nervous, as becoming one with someone is not an easy thing. Good nervous, like right before your favorite roller coaster starts its descent.

That's all. I know this is an impersonal way to announce it, but there it is anyway.

Rainy days

I love rainy fall days. They make me want to solve mysteries. Or sit on a window seat and pray all day long. Pray for everything and everyone.

Water is so wonderful and mysterious and holy. It cleanses, soothes, rushes, destroys, quenches thirst, gives life, takes life. Both necessary and dangerous.

I feel about water like I feel about God I think. I can't live without it, but at times it scares the hell out of me. At other times, I know that unless I have it I will shrivel and perish. Sometimes I even go without it, just because I don't feel like...but when I do, I always regret it. I feel cleansed after immersing myself in Him.

So, bring on the rain. Let it soak me and everything around me. Let it thunder and pour and feed everything dry.

I am going to take a nap listening to it.

Geaux Tigers

Headed to LSU today for the Auburn Lsu game. I am not a huge football fan, but there is something about being back on campus that makes me happy. College campuses are so hopeful. Young people, trying to figure out their lives, both vocationally and relationally. College is a time of such change in most people's lives. I wish I could have coffee with my 20 year old self and say "Hold on. It is going to be a rough ride. You will be angry and scared and sometimes hopeless. But hold tight. I know you are too angry to believe in a good God right now, but he will show up for you and pull you out of this wreckage. The situations will still suck, but you will not be alone. I promise." She would not have believed me, and would have told me that I was a delusional fuck, but I still would have told her.

Here I come crawfish etouffe from Chimes! Here I come fresh Abita beer on tap!

see you Monday.

This is a post I deleted where I accidentally spilled the beans about mine and Scott's engagement before anyone (including our families) knew. I quickly deleted it, but wanted to remember that now.

My favorite fall things

Apples
Leaves
Bouquets of freshly sharpened pencils
Pumpkins
Hot chocolate
Hoodies
Long sleeved shirts on boys
Pulling out the sweaters for the first time
Wilco (great fall music)
Reading fall books
Soup and Chili
Being outside
Porch time
Walks
Sleeping with the windows open
Red, brown, orange, yellow
the first really chilly morning
Not turning on the AC
snuggling
puppies (ok, they are good in every season)
granola
hiking
boots


I love the fall! i know that this is when things die in nature, but to me it is when things start over and I am so happy. Hopeful.

Enjoy the weekend.

Have a great weekend

Sharpening hurts

Not sure if I have mentioned this lately, but I am in a relationship. It is wonderful and meaningful and beautiful. And it is undoing me.
You see I am used to being the 'good one' in relationships (that is what happens when you date jerks). I know, I know, that is a terrible thing to say. However, it is true. Whether I was actually the good one or not, that is how it felt. And now, here I am with a man who loves me more than I love myself. unconditionally. without judgement. It is beautiful, but scary.
I am seeing myself in a whole new light. I suck a little bit (or maybe a lot). Nothing he has done makes me feel this way, I am just seeing how selfish I am. How selfish I have been. How screwed up I am, and what sin patterns I have relied on for years. Gordon says that this is beautiful, that is refining me and I am allowing myself to be vulnerable. Of course I am freaking out.
But, I am also feeling free. To be myself, to laugh at my sins. I feel rested. I am not as affected by the brokenness in my life, and creating a life with someone. I love it!
Refining hurts...but in the same way that a tattoo hurts...it is worth it. So worth it.