HelloGoodbye

The time has come, friends. I am going to be taking this blog down. It has been a whirlwind year since I started this little slice of the internet. I have enjoyed the hell out of it, but it is time for a more private life.

I have made great friends through this blog and am sad to go. It must be done. If you want to catch up with me, feel free to call or email me. I will continue to post on another blog that I am part of, Life as a Garden.

Thanks for your support and love. See you in real life!

(This post will stay up for a few days, after which my blog will be set to private)

So long, farewell, Auf Wiedersehen, Adios, ciao.

Weekend Round-up

nice weekend, over too quickly. Full of friends, food, flowers, food...and some more food.

Friday night I had 2 lovely, lovely girls to my home for dinner. I was one of their Community Group leaders for a long time and have seen them grow into beautiful, mature Christ loving women. All 3 of us have had hard years so we ate good food (basil pesto and pork tenderloin, preceded by Mark Bittman's Rosemary-Lemon White bean dip. It was delicious, healthy and so easy), and talked and lamented and laughed. I loved it.



Saturday started at Pepper Place, my favorite summer activity. It is berry season in Alabama and I bought some big, juicy Blackberries as well as peaches and blueberries. Berry season makes summer in Alabama worth the heat...almost! Spent a few hours working for our One Day Sale, which was not as bad as I thought it would be. How can it be bad when I am surrounded by books?

Saturday night found Amanda and I cooking yet another recipe from The Splendid Table's How to Eat Supper (highly recommended); Salmon Pan Roast with Garlic Shavings and Basil on Fresh Greens and Warm White Bean Salad with Fragrant Garlic and Rosemary. Oh. My. Goodness. It was delicious. Both having purchased new SLR cameras with our incentive money, we walked to the Birmingham Botanical Gardens to practice a bit. It was a humid night when the greens are so green and the colors pop. Took some good shots I think. Finished the night with fresh fruit and homemade whipped cream (good despite the fact that the peaches tasted a bit like garlic having been cut on the same cutting board...oops).



Sunday started having brunch with a new friend at my favorite place, Chez Lulu. He and I talked about food and books and Southern culture. Had the brunch special (Ham and Brie cheese Strata beside garlic cheese grits and fresh fruit) and ordered both Blackberry and Blueberry pies. the best in town in my opinion. Go get some quick-the blackberry pie is around for a very limited time. As in, this batch of blackberries and that's it. I may go back this week for more! Spent the rest of the day napping and hanging out.



I should be at church right now, but I am not. I am not sure why I am so reticent to go these days. Maybe the fact that everyone knows me and my story? Lately I find myself yearning for anonymity. The past 3 years have been painful and that is no secret at church, as much of the pain has had to do with the church and it's members. I know that is what happens when you live in Community, but I am not loving it right now. I am hopeful that this is a stage and I will be back soon. I have gone and left so many times recently that I am sure noone is surprised!



well, the first weekend of summer was a success. I hope that yours was as well.

Bringing Sexy back...a post for the ladies

David Beckham is yummy. I just wish you could see his tattoes in this photo.

I'll take 2 please. Minus the wife.

What happened to Miss Independant?!

Quick update on my day:
30 minutes late for work
Bounced 5 checks
Forgot lunch
Credit card was denied

all before 2...and on 3 hours of sleep.

You are all invited to my pity party.

UPDATE: After 9 hours of sleep (thank you sleeping pills), I feel much better today!
At work on time
ate breakfast
remembered lunch
wearing a super sassy outfit
decided yesterdays financial woes were a wake up call. as in-wake up and pay attention!!

No Sleep Till Brooklyn

Insomnia has decided to come and visit for a while. Hence the new look to the blog. I have also updated my Photoshop page with recent pics if you would like to check it out.

I am finding that I am less scared of things. I am a little too tweaked out on no sleep to elaborate, but plan to soon. so stay tuned...

I had two dear friends for dinner and we ate outside near my garden. it was beautiful. good food, good wine, good friends, conversation and laughter. I leave you with a picture of that. We started at dusk and stayed well into the night.

Weekend Round-up

I spent this weekend in Milwaukee for my sister Ashley's high school graduation. The weather was a bit rainy, but cool and breezy. It was a fun weekend that ended with my little brother crying and holding onto me so that i wouldn't go. It was adorably sad and made me thankful that I have siblings that are still young (26, 18 and 6!). Of course, I brought the new Nikon D40 (also known as 'my baby') and J.C was a very willing model. Here are some of my favorite shots of the weekend. Six year olds are so fun!

When Vanilla is anything but

A happier post for your reading pleasure.


Have you seen these? They are made by Vanilla Bicycles in Portland. One man makes all the bikes that come from there. They are handcrafted by Sacha White and are just stunning. Truly a craft. Each bicycle is custom made for the customer. WOW. Aren't they gorgeous? I would be just so adorable on one. Navy blue, with a brown leather seat. yes. oh, wait...there is a FIVE YEAR waiting list. Just enough time for me to save enough money to get on of these puppies.

I have been interested in these for a little while, but recently came across a documentary about Sacha White and Vanilla. You can see it here. Very interested stuff.


Maybe if/when I move to Portland, I will acquire one for my bike riding future.

well, am leaving town tomorrow, will see you kids Sunday!

How deep is that river?

Thanks Fred O for introducing me to the song from which this post is named (By Mason Jennings). I have been listening to it a lot today.

This post is going to be angry and heavy, so if that is not your thing, you might want to click on another Blog (there are lovely ones on the right side).

Someone I know died today. I was not close to him (although he unknowingly had an impact on my life...as proof that there are still good men out there). His death has had a huge impact on me today. I am sure that is from my still fresh wound, but it sucks nonetheless. I don't understand. What the fuck is God doing? Dewayne is married, so his wife is now a widow. Tonight, I am having a really hard time believing that God does not hate women.

We were created to be helpers. So, why am I alone? Why is Cheryl now alone? Why are so many great, great women alone? The very thing that we are created to yearn for is taken away or not given. WHY? What is the purpose? I don't understand. I know that I am supposed to trust and not understand...but I need something. It is getting harder and harder to believe in a God that does things like this. I try hard to do as I believe He is leading me. Where has that gotten me? Alone and sad.

I know, I know...I have great friends and a good job, great apartment, health. I am thankful for those things. But right now, that is not enough. If God has put these yearnings in me, then I want him to show up. Quickly. Because I am not sure how much longer I can be brave and trust him.

I think that this is what is known as a 'crisis of Faith'. Great.

The lyrics to this song can be found here. The ones that have been in my head all day are;
Before I put my trust in you, I just want to know how deep.

yes, how deep?

Weekend round-up

I haven't done a weekend round up in a while, so I thought I would do one tonight. As opposed to the heavy laden post I was planning on doing. Enough heavy posts lately.

Friday I had a new, but becoming good, friend for dinner. We drank beer and ate too much cheese and cooked and talked. We talked about being single women and how hard it is and our longings and the Fall...you know, typical girl night fodder...
I hope that our dinners become a regular thing.

Saturday I woke up early and headed to Pepper Place. It was HOT outside. I was quickly reminded that I do not enjoy Alabama summers. At all. However, Pepper Place market is my favorite thing about Birmingham, so I brave the heat. If I don't go every week (last week I slept until 1pm and missed it completely), I find that my eating for the week suffers. That is where I buy a lot of my fruit and vegetables for the week. This week I was delighted to see Blackberries and swiped them quickly up.



I then went to a super fun, laidback baby shower for Susan. It was truly a celebration and was refreshing. We laughed and joked and talked about what kind of girl Carrie is going to be and what kind of parents Su and David will be. Watching Carrie grow up is going to be fun. I can't wait to meet her. Sadness snuck it's way in after a few hours so I excused myself and went home. Where I slept and read for the rest of the day...which was wonderful.



I think that rest was much needed. As was some good alone time, which I had been avoiding for some time now.

Sunday I got up, made some delicious blackberry muffins and packed a bag for a day on the river. We canoed for 5 hours and arrived home exhausted. The kind of day where your body is tired and your muscles cry for rest. Where your body is too tired for your mind to keep you up at night. It is amazing what being on the water and using my body does for my soul. As Patty Griffin says " I need a little place in the sun sometimes for I think I will die". The sun and swimming did me good today.


A good day.




Here's to a good week. I leave Thursday for Wisconsin to see my youngest sister graduate High School. Way to go Ash. This year has been hard, but you did it. I am so proud!!

Birmingham's Most...?

In Birmingham Magazine's Most Beautiful People issue, I have 3/4 of a page...eating crawfish.

ironic?

hilarious.

My life has been such a whirlwind since I saw you

That REO Speedwagon song has been in my head for days. Strange!

Thanks for all of the kind notes and calls and emails the past few days. I didn't realize that post sounded so sad. That was not my intention, but so be it.

Well, I decided it was time for action. This little funk seems to have settled it's happy ass down and decided to stay for a visit. One things i have learned over the past few years is this- "Fake it till you make it". In other words, do things that you used to enjoy and maybe eventually you will enjoy them again. I am not going to go around smiling and denying that I am unhappy, but I am also not going to give in and go to bed.

Last night I cooked dinner for a 2 close friends and enjoyed their company. I tried not to beat myself up that I had not gone to get drinks with other friends who had invited me. Cooking was good for me, as was some gardening and taking photographs. After dinner, we made butter! I have been wanting to do this for a while, so John decided to teach me (it involves a lot of shaking and some dancing and laughing). Let me tell you, homemade butter is awesome. Creamy and light. I had it on toast for breakfast and was happy.

This weekend I am going canoeing again, something that is very life giving to me. The water, the sun, the trees, using my muscles...I love it. I never used to be an 'outdoorsy' person, but this year I am discovering my inner naturalist and athelete! I am also hoping to have another friend for dinner and beer and laughing.

And The Beatles are helping as well. and Wilco. And Feist. Tristan and J Mraz. G Love. Good, happy summertime music. Well, Wilco Sky Blue Sky isn't happy, but comforting.

These things may not make the sadness go away, but at least it will make it bearable. I don't want to have a year pass me by in a grief induced stupor. My life is different now, but it is still my life. Incoporating the grief into my life seems to be the key to survival. Don't deny it, but don't make a bed for it to sleep in either.

I am sure there will be lots of pictures coming up. I have a few of the butter churning that I need to put up. I am not sure making butter has ever been so physical or hysterical!

you see, i've been to hell and back so many times, I must admit you kind of bore me

I was hoping to have a happier post today, but no such luck. I still feel as I did when I wrote my last post. The tears keep welling up but refusing to free themselves, and me, in the process.

This weekend I did everything that I could to shoo them away. I drank too much, flirted too much...all of the many things that I used to to push them down.

Yet here it is Monday, and I still feel the same way (and hungover!). The good thing is that I recognize my futile attempts to mask my loneliness. That is some growth...a tiny seedling. It is making me laugh a little to see how easily I turn back to the things that I search for solace in. Unhealthy things that I was sure I was done with. As though the last 5 months has erased these tendencies and I am past them. Not so much. It is only when I think that do I get into trouble. My pride weakens me. I am grateful that I can see them for what they are, laugh at my foibles and try again to resist.

I am hopeful.

I will leave you with a picture of the bounty that I brought home (free!) after Brewfest. Too bad the thought of drinking one makes my pounding head pound ever harder...