My life has been such a whirlwind since I saw you

That REO Speedwagon song has been in my head for days. Strange!

Thanks for all of the kind notes and calls and emails the past few days. I didn't realize that post sounded so sad. That was not my intention, but so be it.

Well, I decided it was time for action. This little funk seems to have settled it's happy ass down and decided to stay for a visit. One things i have learned over the past few years is this- "Fake it till you make it". In other words, do things that you used to enjoy and maybe eventually you will enjoy them again. I am not going to go around smiling and denying that I am unhappy, but I am also not going to give in and go to bed.

Last night I cooked dinner for a 2 close friends and enjoyed their company. I tried not to beat myself up that I had not gone to get drinks with other friends who had invited me. Cooking was good for me, as was some gardening and taking photographs. After dinner, we made butter! I have been wanting to do this for a while, so John decided to teach me (it involves a lot of shaking and some dancing and laughing). Let me tell you, homemade butter is awesome. Creamy and light. I had it on toast for breakfast and was happy.

This weekend I am going canoeing again, something that is very life giving to me. The water, the sun, the trees, using my muscles...I love it. I never used to be an 'outdoorsy' person, but this year I am discovering my inner naturalist and athelete! I am also hoping to have another friend for dinner and beer and laughing.

And The Beatles are helping as well. and Wilco. And Feist. Tristan and J Mraz. G Love. Good, happy summertime music. Well, Wilco Sky Blue Sky isn't happy, but comforting.

These things may not make the sadness go away, but at least it will make it bearable. I don't want to have a year pass me by in a grief induced stupor. My life is different now, but it is still my life. Incoporating the grief into my life seems to be the key to survival. Don't deny it, but don't make a bed for it to sleep in either.

I am sure there will be lots of pictures coming up. I have a few of the butter churning that I need to put up. I am not sure making butter has ever been so physical or hysterical!

Whole Trends

There is a movement that is growing rapidly, perhaps you have seen or heard about it. It is called many things; "Green", "Localvore", "Slow Foods"....you know, Michael Pollan and Barbara Kingsolver and CSA's and growing your own food, etc. An argument I have heard often against this is: It's so trendy. People are only into it because it's cool.

My response-So what?

If it is cool to eat well and support local economy and wonder where your lettuce comes from, well, I don't have a problem with that. Sure, the name Michael Pollan is thrown around...and the word "organic" has been raped of it's original meaning. I know that there is also a growing trend of Industrial Organic farming (meaning feed lots and no grazing, but 'organic' feed and grains) and that Whole Foods gets the majority of it's food from a few huge farms, but I am still hopeful. I think that the reason this trend has caught on is that it is what our society is longing for. It feels good, it connects us to things bigger than us (that does not have a CEO).


It is bigger, yet smaller. The world is huge now, much too big for me to grasp. Aren't we made for community? I see so much community in talking to a farmer about his land as you buy eggs and radishes from him. Seeing their children, the ones they are supporting with the vegetables that they refuse to poison on the land that they don't want to sell to an Industrial Farm. Knowing that the peaches you eat are grown just a few miles from your house and the honey you put on your toast is from a hive that has not been lost in Alabama. Sure, that means that I haven't had grapes in a while, and I do miss that. But I will not be eating a tasteless peach or homogenized honey.

This is not to say that I am against eating all things not grown here. I do it all the time. However, each time I shop, I think about my food and my body. I wonder how tasty a tomato that is just now ripe in the stores, clearly picked weeks ago and ripened in a truck is going to be. I normally pass it up. There are some (many) things that are not produced here, and I am thankful that I am able to get them if I so desire (coffee!).

Here is my point (and I do have one)-If everyone who is following this 'hip new food trend' wondered about their food, a difference would be made. I believe in grass roots movements and small change. I believe that my shopping trends and eating trends have an impact. I believe that our families will be healthier and our children more respectful of their food and community. I believe it is better for my health (both body and mind) to eat good, wholesome food that I or someone in my community has grown. I know that homemade stock if better than store bought, sue me.




In the words of a good friend: F*@k cornsyrup.

Walks through the garden of roses with her barefeet laughing

I read this today and loved it.

Never let a season go by without planting something." Such simple advice, isn't it? And yet, it's so easy to get bogged down by the logistics of gardening, space and growing and time and "black thumbs" and all of that. But plant something - sprout some seeds in a paper towel, grow basil in a pot in your kitchen, toss some carrot seeds in the ground and see what happens. Never let a season go by without the opportunity to get a little bit closer to your food, and have reason to dig your hands into the Earth.

from Soulemama

I firmly believe this. This is my first major growing season and I honestly don't know how I went so many springs without a garden. Oh, every year I grew something. A house plant here, some pansies there, herbs one year, daisies another. But I never really got it, never made it a priority. This year, feeling the need for life, and green and growth and nature, I gave it a go. I can tell you this friends; I will never go back.

I love the feeling of dirt under my nails. The heady of smell of damp soil being turned over. The itchy feeling you get after working on your knees in the grass for hours. The sweet, natural fragrance that greets me every morning when I step into my kitchen with the windows open. The dark green of growing lemons, their branches straining to hold onto them until they are ready to be freed, yellow and pungent. Herbs just begging to be included in a recipe, some standing tall and proud saying "build a meal around me, you won't regret it."

It gives me life. and hope. If they can grow and thrive, I can too. I will.

*pictured are my buckets of tomatoes, basil and tomatillos.*

Oh my

I just found this. A cottage. for rent. In Cali. On a Farm. with a garden.

Someone tell me that I DO NOT need to fly out there to see it. Quickly.

I need a little place in the sun sometimes

A visual of my little garden stoop:




Come summer, I will have so many tomatoes, greens, lemons and beans that I may set up a stand on the side of the road. Or invite friends over to share in my bounty, eating tomatoes over bread, drizzled with olive oil and fresh basil. Beans steamed immediately off the vine, with a dash of fresh lemon vinaigrette and accompanied by a glass of wine and conversation. Dessert of sweet strawberries and whipped cream. A taste of heaven. A respite from the brokenness of this life.

Lovely

Weekend round-up

I missed last week, and this one is late. My apologies for all of you who wait every week with baited breath to see just how I spend the Saturdays of my life.

This weekend, I was kind of a bad-ass. I mean, in my own little way.

Friday, I tried to script. Didn't go so well, so I slept instead. Don't worry, the bad-assy-ness is coming up...

Saturday I went and scripted in the morning. I actually wrote this time. Then CJ and I went to Brookside, AL for the Brookside Greenway Festival. CJ was treated like a celebrity...which meant that I was as well. (She used to report on that small town and made them feel important and cared about, which is a beautiful gift that she has. They see her as a female Ricky Bragg around those parts!). We heard about the history and then...went on a canoe ride (see what a bad ass I am?!). We canoed the mile easily, and decided toward the end that we didn't want it to be over, so we should probably turn around and go against the stream. We also planned a canoe trip for May 10 (more on that later), and another one with one of the owners (I told you they love her) for after a big rain. A 10 mile trip. I can't wait.
Then we milled around a bit, and decided to get out of the rain and go to O'Henry's. I love this place. I didn't realize how much I love it until this weekend. It has the coolest vibe (and Fred from Lasers edge still has his own drink named after him there, which I totally dug), and is comfortable and welcoming. After some coffee, it was on to the bike shop, where I shopped and my friend flirted. I bought a rack and headlight and taillight (finally! no more prayerful rides home at night on Montevallo road). Went home, rested and showered...then went back to OHenry's for more scripting with another friend.
Sunday, I got up and had coffee and french toast. Sat on the stoop a while, then decided to go for a quick little bike ride. An hour later I returned home, dehydrated, covered in mud and exhausted, but thrilled. I had, in the span of the hour, become a biker. I biked hills, I flipped off rude drivers, I carried my bike over a stream, I dashed in and around puddles, I rode over rocks and grass. In short, I was a bad ass.
On to church, after a quick shower. yes, that's right-church. The place I had been avoiding since Scott's death (and honestly for some time before that). It was time. And you know what...it felt like coming home. The place had changed and I didn't feel totally at home, but I was loved and knew that one day it would fit better. again. It was very hopeful. Plus, I really, really missed the music. Also met with a building guy about the garden I am going to make on the rooftop patio. I am very excited and hopeful about that. Now I need to get a proposal together, some volunteers, a long term plan...yikes. Oh, and some plants. I think it is going to be a healing, life-giving thing for me.
Then I went home and went to bed. Slept like a baby.
Today I biked for my first time across a busy intersection (on 31) back to the bike shop to have my rack and water bottle put on. I am ready. You may never see me in my Mini again...

Well, off to bed. Or to script. Probably bed...

Soon this will change, just like the seasons

HAPPY SPRING! This year spring means so much to me. Life after death, green after so much brown. Plants springing up, longer days, bike rides. It make me want to get a new green tattoo. I am sure I am going to write more about this later!

Anyone want to buy me a bookstore chain? I promise to give you all the free books and coffee you want.

If interested, see here.

oh yeah, you may have heard of this little chain that is up for sale. Borders.

Weeds sprout through, dark green enough to be blue

Random thoughts on a sleepy night.
I should be at The Spots show. I have been looking forward to it for a long time. Yet, here I am, in my PJs in front of my computer. Many reasons for this. I am exhausted (today was the first 'this is what your job is going to look like after the downsizing', and it is busy). I also attended a wedding today! My dear friend Wesley was married to Deanna today on St. Patricks day, which we lovingly refer to as "Wesley's Valentines Day". It was lovely. Only about 25 of us and Wes, in his green shirt and tie, smiling like a Cheshire cat and Deanna giggling and looking beautiful. It was not as hard as I imagined a wedding would be, but it wasn't easy. I kept thinking things like "Oh, that is what I was planning" and "I want this".
The Spots were the band that I was planning on having play at my wedding. I didn't realize how that affected my decision not to go until now, as I sit here with tears streaming down my face. Not necessarily bad tears, just tears of loss. They are much less frequent, but still there. sigh. I plan to make it to their next show, as they are my favorite live show. Fantastic and fun and intimate, no matter how many people are in the room. They create a great vibe. It was probably just the vibe I need tonight! ;)

On another note, check out this blog: Spitball Army. CJ introduced me to it after he wrote a post about Bicycling. I am hooked. It is funny and smart and intelligent (those are two different things) and very sharp. Also quite informative. You can tell that he is interested in a lot and appreciates many things. Not to mention that he is now (along with BTM and JN and CJ) one of the people I want standing next to me as I buy a new cd. His love and knowledge of music is contagious and oozes out of most everything he writes. Go there. Now. Don't even finish this post...it is just as rambly as the last 50!

I have noticed that I have visitors from all over the country looking at the blog. That is strange to me. Do I know you? How do you find this? I guess the same way that I find random blogs...it is different when it is just my little blog.

I am in the midst of an apartment overhaul. This is all an attempt to create a sense of home here. I realized last week that this is the only apartment that I have ever had that did not have a boy attached to it somehow. This one is all me. I like that. No one to consider when decorating, no memories attached to painting, or hanging drapes. Only the memories of my community coming together to get me settled in my new home when nothing else was settled. Truly. Anna organized the kitchen, David and John hung pictures, Chris hung my drapes, CJ helped me decide if the color organized bookshelves were a good idea, Carrie helped me throw away spoons that needed to be tossed (long story). Everyone helped me with trucks and muscles with all 3 of my moves (3!). Now it is me and I am really starting to like it. i love that my kitchen has a back door, so everyday I cook with the door open and a neighborhood cat, Rascal, comes and sits on the patio and lounges in the sun. 2 dogs come by every day to sniff what is cookin. I have a compost pile and 2 garden that are open canvases for my imagination. This is home and I like it. Despite the circumstances that brought me here, I like it. One day I really think I will love it.

Weekend round-up

What a spring weekend! It was fun and productive and relaxing. Here is the rundown:

Friday they send us home early because of morale (see previous post for details). Also want to note: They are done downsizing, so I made the cut. Friends of mine did not. However, my job is going to change drastically, as there are now only 2 Assistant Buyers for the entire company. Updates this week as news breaks on that.
Came home, opened the windows and took a mid day nap on my new bed. It is so relaxing and wonderful. No problems sleeping anymore. phew. Spent the rest of Friday cleaning, hanging pictures and getting ready for...
Book Swap! Saturday I made coffee, did some last minute organizing and sat on the couch to read. 11:20 and friends started showing up. It was a great time. Old friends, new friends, Bain Morris (and his family)...it was beautiful. Played outside, hung out inside, the works. The weather cleared up enough and it turned out to be a pretty day. I also visited Urban Standard for the first time. I am hooked. this is the real deal folks...a good coffee shop with real mugs and delish mocha's and killer orzo pasta salad. Check it out this week, I insist! On to Green Cup Books, where CJ hugged a book and I smelled them all (seriously). Another must do in the city. Very cool and new. Support them.
Finished the day at another bookstore, looking at home magazines to inspire my apartment re-do (see Apartment Therapy: The cure..an 8 week program to get your apartment healthy and beautiful).
Sunday: slept late, made coffee and breakfast...went back to bed with coffee and books and macbook. Stayed there till 1. Went immediately to the garden where I spent the next 2 hours tilling, weeding, sowing. I had quite the dirt manicure. And a good sunburn. While I was doing that an idea popped into my head that I worked on as soon as my hands were clean. A new blog!

Called Life as a Garden, I envision this blog to be a shared blog of women in our city. Telling tales of gardening, cooking, baking, decorating, entertaining. Building and maintaining our 'nests' here in Birmingham. You can find it here. If you would like to be a part of it, let me know and I will add you. Ideally, I would love for it to include women of all ages and stages and walks of life. A place to share our triumphs, difficulties, tests, mistakes, questions about all things relating to our homes (whatever and wherever they may be) and our communities and families. Trying to incorporate beauty and life into everyday living. I am curious to see if it works and what it will turn into.

Well, time to make pesto ravioli from scratch. Wish me luck.

Happy St Patricks Day. Go see The Spots tomorrow (Monday) at The Speakeasy. All the cool people will be there. Including me.

Weekend round-up

I really enjoy these weekend round ups. They make me slow down and realize why I enjoy weekends. This was the end of Feb and the start of March. In Country Diary of an Edwardian Lady it says
"In February, if thou hearest thunder, thou shalt see a summer wonder".

This summer is going to be pretty wonderful if that is the case.

Back to my weekend:

Friday night, after a long week of moving, having the flu, packing Scott's things, etc...I was ready for a pretty calm night. My friend Carla came over for beer and pesto and we gossiped, talked, ranted about politics and generally had a great time. Later, Carrie and John came over and we did more of the aforementioned talking. Good times.

Saturday I awoke to the sun streaming in my bedroom. Oh Happy Spring Day! Put on jeans and a Tshirt. Went outside, turned around and changed into a skirt. It was starting out wonderfully! I sat outside at Starbucks and enjoyed the sun and cappuccino (I have recently begun a love affair with foam). Afterwards, I went and had a massage by Matthew (at Richard Joseph Salon Spa). I am new to massages, but I can tell you that Matthew is wonderful. I felt better instantly. Relaxed and mellow, I thought I would do some gardening. Thus began Ant Wars 2008. My feet are covered in ant bites, and I have poisoned the ground so that no one in Birmingham should drink the water...but I have no more ants! There was lots of cursing and dancing to get rid of the ants that were climbing my legs and arms...the ground was literally teeming with the bastards when I pulled up a rotten plant. yuck. Plant shopping and bookstore reading followed, as well as my introductions to Flight of the Concords. Anyone seen this? It is funny in a weird way, but i enjoyed it. To bed early. Good day.

Sunday: MORE SUNSHINE! Hopped out of bed, threw on a skirt, shirt and helmet and took off on the cruiser back to Starbucks. My community of friends seem to all congregate there on Sunday mornings, so it was nice and usual and comfortable. Rode home, stopped by the grocery store...I fit 4 bags of groceries in the basket and hanging of the handlebars...very wobbly, scary ride home. In a skirt.
Went to the garden, where I proceeded to spend 2.5 hours pulling weeds, raking, hand tilling, ant annihilating and herb planting. I am sunburned and exhausted. Exactly as I had hoped. Cooked a yummy fresh veggie meal, read some and now am finishing off my Teen Book Sunday read "Kind Dork" (highly recommended). About as good a Sunday as I can ask for right now.

Whew...I need to get to bed early. Keeping my finders cross for an insomnia free night. Those of you with the gift of sleep, say a little thank you tonight to God. those of you who don't ...call me, I am sure I will be up.
If you made it to the end of this insanely detailed post, thanks. Was your weekend good? I hope next weekend is as lovely as this was. And less ant-bitten! To Spring!!! And sleep!

Because the water is healthy for the roses in your cheeks

I am thinking about getting a community garden plot in downtown Birmingham. They are run by Jones Valley Urban Farm. Lately, all I can think about is gardening and getting soil under my nails and eating fresh produce.
Now, I have never been a gardener, but I figure now is the time to start! Perhaps, get a friend involved and we can share the plot (it is 50 feet!). Do I have the time to spend? Who knows?! Can I make the time...yep. I really think that I can. It is going to be hard and backbreaking, but I the thought is hopeful and exciting.

Thoughts? has anyone done anything like this before?

I will let you know what I decide. Right now I am letting it marinate...


I want to smell fresh soil and cut grass, sweat mingled with earth. I want to wear a bandanna and torn jeans and use a spade and shovel. Beautifully calloused fingers and dusty shoes. I want it all.


Gosh, I hope they have some available. Are there any other community gardens in Birmingham?

*UPDATE: No plots available at Jones Valley and all of the other organizations that had community gardens have shut down i.e BUGS. So, it looks like I may have to garden in the patch of grass that comes with my apartment. I am looking at building a raised garden bed, so if anyone has any scrap wood to donate, that would be great! Or any skills in helping me know what the heck I am doing!!*

2nd post of the night

Check out this article about this here:http://www.goodmagazine.com/section/Look/horticulture_jamming. It is beautiful and hopeful.

Also this: http://arnoldsgarden.blogspot.com/. for something local that is happening. I am not sure what the status in on this, but I love the idea and I hope that it comes alive.

Gardens make me happy. we need more green in our lives. Everyone does. our souls crave nature.