Wait it out

The past 24 hours have been a little on dark side for me. Not black, more of a hazy grey. I have an ache inside that is just hanging out today, making itself comfortable. This song keeps running through my head:

Patty Griffin Time Will Do The Talking lyrics

You were so cruel
I hated being your fool
So I got a little bit more mud on my face
But the years will bring a bigger scheme of things
And make a pretty memory out of my disgrace
I don't believe there is such a thing as saying too much
There are those who like to look and
Those who ain't afraid to touch

Oh baby don't you know that the
Time will do the talking
Years will do the walking
I'll just find a comfy spot and wait it out
Time will do the talking
Years will do the walking
Time will tell you baby what you can't hear now

Well we dig our heels in
And wonder who's gonna win
Who is gonna win it or wear it out
I change the lock on the door
Or learn how to take a little more
I can outrun all of the devils there
But never the doubt
Try not to throw all your money into 20/20 vision
For the world won't wait on politics or indecision

Oh baby don't you know that the
Time will do the talking
Years will do the walking
I'll just find a comfy spot and wait it out
Time will do the talking
Years will do the walking
Time will tell you baby what you can't hear now

Can you hear the voice inside you
It calls you back to where you belong
Can you see the one beside you
Who's been standin' there all along
Baby, well you were so cruel
I hated being your fool
So I got a little bit more
Mud on my face
But the years will bring
The bigger scheme of things
And make a pretty memory out of my disgrace

The time will do the talking
Years will do the walking
I'll just find a comfy spot and wait it out
Time will do the talking
Years will do the walking
Time will tell you baby what you can't hear now
Time will tell you baby what you can't hear now
Time will tell you baby what you can't hear now


Patty Griffin Time Will Do The Talking lyrics

I am tired of waiting. I have so much beauty in my life, but I want more. more, more, more. I want kisses and hugs and someone to rest my head on who will tell me that all is ok, even just for an hour or a meal.

This song gives me hope and helps me to believe when I am sure that Grace and Mercy and Love are real, but not real for me.

I just need to find my comfy spot to wait it out. Isn't that what life is? Looking for your comfy spot to wait it out until Heaven?

Weekend Round up

Will write a proper one tonight, but for now a highlight of the weekend for me:

"Finally, at 6:40, he popped the cork on "Signed, Sealed, Delivered (I'm Yours)," followed by "Sir Duke." Rain ponchos danced all across the muddy Acura field, and a Jazzfest Moment seemed at hand. "
(From the Times Picayune on the Stevie Wonder set)
That Jazz Fest Moment was my favorite moment from the weekend; the 'cork was popped' on Signed and the skies opened up and the entire crowd was dancing in the pouring rain to my very favorite song. I threw my poncho hood off and danced like a crazed hippie!

More to come...

Spa day in New Orleans

A free mudbath with good food?!



Good thing I have adorable yellow polka dot rainboots...


image from last weekends Jazz Fest

Dear God, it's me Elisa

Thank you for my ipod. It enables me to keep my job without going insane, or eavesdropping on my co-workers conversation. Instead, I listen to The Beatles, Jason Mraz, Wilco and G love (today anyway). You must have known all of the conversations about cats and reality television that would go on around me. Thank you also that a boy gave this to me and that, although it did not work out, I did not have to spend my own money on this.

Amen.

The girl that is me

Hello friends (and blogger stalkers!). I just returned to my cozy little abode from a concert. Who? you ask. Tristan Prettyman. I have loved her since her first album came out a couple years ago. Mellow, sweet, upbeat, summertime music. I discovered her because she did duets with guys I LOVE, G Love and Jason Mraz.
Tonight's show was at the always wonderful Workplay Theater (ok, putting links in is a huge pain in the ass...if we were writing a note to our friends, we would just mention it...in this new medium, you have to give credit and links and other time sucking things. I digress). It was a small, very intimate show and she was endearing. Her album, Madly, is doing well and she was giddy about it. Adorable, and so talented. Plus, her dress was awesome.
Opening for her was an Australian cutie called Whitley, whose name, I am sorry to say, is Lawrence (oh come on...I had to!). He is a very big 'pop star' in Australia and I thoroughly enjoyed his set. I may or may not have flirted with him at the merch table. His music was great and he told funny stories about getting drunk and singing karaoke at Starz (where he went to 'meet girls'!). Then he started playing and opened his mouth and we all shut the hell up. His voice was smoky, dirty and smooth. I went out after his set and immediately bought an album (when the alleged flirting took place). This post is so random and fragmented...and I have had nothing to drink, I promise.

The Tristan show was good, but (like most things right now) bittersweet. Scott and I danced to her and I once forced a 'movie moment' on us to one of her songs (long story that mostly involves me being a silly girl). These moments are going to keep on coming and I am going to keep on surviving them. Soon they won't happen as often and then they won't seem so terrible, and then one day they will just be fond memories of a boy I loved. Jeez, heavy posts lately, huh? Well, that is my life. If you want happy you will have to look for it elsewhere. I can give you authentic, or nothing. Joy, sadness, grief, longing, redemption. Nope, fake happiness is not on the menu...

I leave you with a video of Tristan, since I have no idea how to embed an mp3. Fred, a little assistance on this...?

this is Always Feel this Way. The song I forced a romantic moment to! Enjoy

Freedom is just another word for nothin' left to lose

Here are a few things that I have noticed lately:

1. If you live alone and oversleep, no one is around to wake you up. You just keep sleeping. Then you are late for work. Again.

2. There is a lot of emphasis on the word Are in my life right now. An example:

Me: hello
them: Oh hi. How are you?
Me: I'm ok
them: Are you? That's great, that's really great. I'm praying for you every day and sacrificing things on your behalf...that is how much of a good person I am. Are you sure you're ok?
Me: Well, besides the fact that people seem to have forgotten that English is my first language, so they don't have to talk slowly...I'm ok. Thanks for asking. Oh, and stop telling me all the time that you are praying for me. It is freaking me out.


or something like that.

3. Men look at breasts first. They just do. I have accepted it. I think that if I went to another planet, and they had an arm in the middle of their head, I would look at it all the time. I think it's sort of like that.

4. The Beatles are awesome. I don't know how I went my whole life without truly grasping this.

5. Fresh food is better. Better tasting and better for you.

6. I don't like women who find their whole identity in their children. I hope that if/when I have some, that I can talk to people about other things and not parade them around as though they are a new handbag, making them do tricks and hug everyone they see. I do not need your kid to hug me. Please don't say "Give Miss Elisa a hug". Don't get me wrong, I love kids and hugging kids...but your kid hugging me is not going to make my life better. Especially when they are being forced to do it. They are not prostitutes...stop treating them as though they are. Hug Miss Elisa and get a treat...gross

7. I love my apartment. It just happened. One day I came home and realized that I really love it.

8. I have great friends. Even when I feel alone, I know that. I wish that everyone had a community that is as wonderful as mine. truly.

9. People read stupid stuff. I look at our bestsellers and am amazed at how much crap is on it. utterly useless, inane crap. The book equivalent of reality TV.

10. I will do anything to avoid working on my screenplay.

I can't go back to Jersey

You know one of my favorite things about Spring? Listening to G Love with or without Special Sauce). it is so happy, so dirty (meaning: Slang rasping, reedy, rough, etc. in tone-from Yourdictionary.com).

How can anyone listen to Cold Beverages and not smile? And then go crack open a cold beer? The line "Watermelons like a drink, please fix me a cold slice"...that IS summer to me. Ever since I heard Girl at the Laundromat, I have looked at doing my laundry in a new way...

Old stuff or new, you really can't go wrong. My personal favorite albums are Oh Yeah, Philadelphonic and Lemonade. Love it. Love the down and dirty, philly blues sound of it. Love the guitar with the harp. Everything. Go check it out.

I will leave you with a video with G love and Tristan Prettyman (also a fav). Beautiful. Peanut Butta' Jelly, butta' Butta'!


AND the video for Hot Cookin'
Enjoy!



And G singing Missin' my baby...another favorite of mine. This video really captures G Love's essence (in my humble opinion)

The Lovers, the Dreamers and me

I can't get this song out of my head today. I am not sure why, but I love it. The Muppet Movie was my favorite as a child, so much so that I can still recite along with the movie in some parts! Maybe this song will stir up some good memories in you as it did me.

The Rainbow Connection

Why are there so many
Songs about rainbows
And what's on the other side
Rainbow's are visions
They're only illusions
And rainbows have nothing to hide
So we've been told and some chose to
Believe it
But I know they're wrong wait and see

Someday we'll find it
The Rainbow Connection
The lovers, the dreamers and me

Who said that every wish
Would be heard and answered
When wished on the morning star
Somebody thought of that
And someone believed it
And look what it's done so far
What's so amazing
That keeps us star gazing
What so we think we might see

Someday we'll find it
That Rainbow Connection
The lovers the dreamers and me

Have you been half asleep
And have you heard voices
I've heard them calling my name
Are these the sweet sounds that called
The young sailors
I think they're one and the same
I've heard it too many times to ignore it
There's something that I'm supposed to be

Someday we'll find it
The Rainbow Connection
The lovers, the dreamers and me

Some versions to consider:

The original Kermit version:



The Jason Mraz version (Mraz is a guilty pleasure of mine...I love his voice, and especially on this song):


Andy from The Office, the height of romance:

Weeds sprout through, dark green enough to be blue

Random thoughts on a sleepy night.
I should be at The Spots show. I have been looking forward to it for a long time. Yet, here I am, in my PJs in front of my computer. Many reasons for this. I am exhausted (today was the first 'this is what your job is going to look like after the downsizing', and it is busy). I also attended a wedding today! My dear friend Wesley was married to Deanna today on St. Patricks day, which we lovingly refer to as "Wesley's Valentines Day". It was lovely. Only about 25 of us and Wes, in his green shirt and tie, smiling like a Cheshire cat and Deanna giggling and looking beautiful. It was not as hard as I imagined a wedding would be, but it wasn't easy. I kept thinking things like "Oh, that is what I was planning" and "I want this".
The Spots were the band that I was planning on having play at my wedding. I didn't realize how that affected my decision not to go until now, as I sit here with tears streaming down my face. Not necessarily bad tears, just tears of loss. They are much less frequent, but still there. sigh. I plan to make it to their next show, as they are my favorite live show. Fantastic and fun and intimate, no matter how many people are in the room. They create a great vibe. It was probably just the vibe I need tonight! ;)

On another note, check out this blog: Spitball Army. CJ introduced me to it after he wrote a post about Bicycling. I am hooked. It is funny and smart and intelligent (those are two different things) and very sharp. Also quite informative. You can tell that he is interested in a lot and appreciates many things. Not to mention that he is now (along with BTM and JN and CJ) one of the people I want standing next to me as I buy a new cd. His love and knowledge of music is contagious and oozes out of most everything he writes. Go there. Now. Don't even finish this post...it is just as rambly as the last 50!

I have noticed that I have visitors from all over the country looking at the blog. That is strange to me. Do I know you? How do you find this? I guess the same way that I find random blogs...it is different when it is just my little blog.

I am in the midst of an apartment overhaul. This is all an attempt to create a sense of home here. I realized last week that this is the only apartment that I have ever had that did not have a boy attached to it somehow. This one is all me. I like that. No one to consider when decorating, no memories attached to painting, or hanging drapes. Only the memories of my community coming together to get me settled in my new home when nothing else was settled. Truly. Anna organized the kitchen, David and John hung pictures, Chris hung my drapes, CJ helped me decide if the color organized bookshelves were a good idea, Carrie helped me throw away spoons that needed to be tossed (long story). Everyone helped me with trucks and muscles with all 3 of my moves (3!). Now it is me and I am really starting to like it. i love that my kitchen has a back door, so everyday I cook with the door open and a neighborhood cat, Rascal, comes and sits on the patio and lounges in the sun. 2 dogs come by every day to sniff what is cookin. I have a compost pile and 2 garden that are open canvases for my imagination. This is home and I like it. Despite the circumstances that brought me here, I like it. One day I really think I will love it.

Weekend round-up

What a spring weekend! It was fun and productive and relaxing. Here is the rundown:

Friday they send us home early because of morale (see previous post for details). Also want to note: They are done downsizing, so I made the cut. Friends of mine did not. However, my job is going to change drastically, as there are now only 2 Assistant Buyers for the entire company. Updates this week as news breaks on that.
Came home, opened the windows and took a mid day nap on my new bed. It is so relaxing and wonderful. No problems sleeping anymore. phew. Spent the rest of Friday cleaning, hanging pictures and getting ready for...
Book Swap! Saturday I made coffee, did some last minute organizing and sat on the couch to read. 11:20 and friends started showing up. It was a great time. Old friends, new friends, Bain Morris (and his family)...it was beautiful. Played outside, hung out inside, the works. The weather cleared up enough and it turned out to be a pretty day. I also visited Urban Standard for the first time. I am hooked. this is the real deal folks...a good coffee shop with real mugs and delish mocha's and killer orzo pasta salad. Check it out this week, I insist! On to Green Cup Books, where CJ hugged a book and I smelled them all (seriously). Another must do in the city. Very cool and new. Support them.
Finished the day at another bookstore, looking at home magazines to inspire my apartment re-do (see Apartment Therapy: The cure..an 8 week program to get your apartment healthy and beautiful).
Sunday: slept late, made coffee and breakfast...went back to bed with coffee and books and macbook. Stayed there till 1. Went immediately to the garden where I spent the next 2 hours tilling, weeding, sowing. I had quite the dirt manicure. And a good sunburn. While I was doing that an idea popped into my head that I worked on as soon as my hands were clean. A new blog!

Called Life as a Garden, I envision this blog to be a shared blog of women in our city. Telling tales of gardening, cooking, baking, decorating, entertaining. Building and maintaining our 'nests' here in Birmingham. You can find it here. If you would like to be a part of it, let me know and I will add you. Ideally, I would love for it to include women of all ages and stages and walks of life. A place to share our triumphs, difficulties, tests, mistakes, questions about all things relating to our homes (whatever and wherever they may be) and our communities and families. Trying to incorporate beauty and life into everyday living. I am curious to see if it works and what it will turn into.

Well, time to make pesto ravioli from scratch. Wish me luck.

Happy St Patricks Day. Go see The Spots tomorrow (Monday) at The Speakeasy. All the cool people will be there. Including me.

Weekend round-up

This weekend was more social than most. It felt like my 'coming back into the real world' weekend, which was nice though daunting. Here is the run down:
Friday: work 1/2 day, in jeans. Pissed off at the impending weather doom. After work, made some killer guac. and headed to Susan's house with CJ for some catching up. Laughed so hard that I cried. We joked, mourned, celebrated, ate good food, drank good drinks. It was so refreshing. That is the way I would describe Su...refreshing. I could tell dirty jokes about ex boyfriends and politicians and we would just laugh, laugh, laugh. Loved it.

Saturday: Brunch with friends that was a bit of a friend set up. Walked around Naked Art, admiring the great local art and reminiscing about when it was Zoeys, and VRichards was too small to seat everyone (I miss it). Then I went and illegally printed some Screenplays from a library. I am not going to say much, except that we got busted and I still got the print-outs and saved the day. I am such a bad ass! Like Uma Thurman, without the killing and the Quentin Tarantino dialogue.
Speaking of dialogue, next month starts Script Frenzy, the month long insanity of writing a full length screenplay in 30 days. I participated last year with friends and this year am the leader of the Birmingham Region. It was such a fun event and I highly recommend it to everyone. It is just 30 days of free flowing ideas and typing any bad idea that comes to mind. No editing, just writing. It is a rush and I rediscovered my love of writing from it. I actually went on to enter a contest, which I placed 4th in (a big deal for a beginner). If you are interested, check out the link and get in touch with me. You won't regret it. More posts to come on it. ANYWAY, I also read some scripts this weekend.

Saturday night I went with CJ to the Magic City Art Connection benefit soiree. What a scene. The Birmingham paparazzi was out in full force, as were everyone who wanted to see and be seen. We mingled, had our pictures taken, drank some free beer and hit the road...to the Speakeasy to see Vulture Whale. What a fun band of nice guys who make kick ass music. Check em out. Always enjoy their shows. Also played some rousing games of Foosball, which created a bit of a crowd (people seem to love dressed up girls drinking beer and yelling at the table,not to mention talking complete smack to each other!). Stayed and saw a few songs by Tiger Piss...an, um, interesting band. Got home late, smelling like smoke.
this was a crowd of people that I had not seen in about 2 months, and I was very nervous. It was great. I went with a safe friend, and eased into the social scene. I don't think that I will be back in full force, but occasionally it is nice.

Sunday, I did what is becoming routine. Sleep late, then bike to Starbucks to read and hang out. Got a call that I am getting an antique dresser, chest and new Queen sized bed this week...as a gift! Yea! I am trying to make my apt homey, especially my bedroom...this is going to do wonders for that. Am so very, very excited. A nice end to a nice weekend.
Well, I have another script to read and some dishes to do. This time change thing is messing me up, but I love it! Daylight at 6:35!!
Have a good week.

Random thoughts on a cold winter night

I love my job. SO much. I love the people and getting to know a new industry and watching book trends and reading. I love the smell of a book fresh of the presses. Next week I am having dinner with an author that had a bidding war for his new book and is pegged to be 'the next big thing'. I am meeting Thomas Friedman in LA come May!
I also love leg warmers. Is there any cuter trend right now? NO! miniskirt+tights+legwarmers = happy Elisa!
Just got the Vulture Whale Cd (available on itunes). it has been rockin' my itunes all week. It is just good rock and roll, but not too formulaic. It is also comprised of Birmingham boys who are nice as pie and cool as shit. Check it out. I particularly like Older Younger.
HOT YOGA. Seriously, this is amazing. You sweat for 90 minutes and stretch and do poses and leave feeling refreshed. I go here, and Steven is the instructor. He rocks. It is helping me so much.

I am feeling very hopeful today.

Culinary Awakenings

As you know from my last post, I love the idea of cooking. However, I have yet to make this a reality for more than a month at a time. There are many reasons for this: cooking for one is hard, no time, no money, etc. Well, I can cook for more than one and have people for dinner, make time (because right now, rest and restful things, as cooking feels to me, are good), and I am (finally!) making more money than I have to pay every month. All in all, I think a food discovery is on the horizon. Now I must get the troops together, i.e get some cooking stuff. Ok, this is not totally necessary, I realize. Things like a kitchen aid mixer. Oh the things I could make with that. Creme Fraiche, breads, pasta, pestos. yummy. I am coveting one pretty badly. I searched ebay and am hoping that I win one soon. And things like muffin pans. Yes, that is correct, I do not have a muffin pan. I used to have one, but one too many turning-the-oven-on-without-looking-to-see-what-I-may-have-crammed-in-there have made it a black mess.
I cannot wait to go to the store and buy flour and sugar and natural vanilla extract and honey and cinnamon and buttermilk and fresh parsley (Or, an herb garden! yes! In the backyard of my new apartment!), And the joys of finding my very own cooking soundtrack...I am thinking Bela Fleck and Wilco and Feist and Green Day and NPR's classical. The look of my flour and grease splotched aprons (that I have already started to make). Being able to entertain friends and not worry about transferring the store bought food to a serving tray. The joy of breaking (homemade) bread with friends and sharing wine and laughter.
I am smiling just thinking of it.

church and loss

I miss church. A lot. Many of you know that I have left the church that I belong to. Sort of a sabbatical that I do not anticipate ending, but could. Every Sunday I find myself sad that I am not going. I could go back to my church, but it does not feel safe for me. And it is not necessarily that particular church that I miss (although I did become a Christian at the church and had hoped it would be a home for me). It is the act of worshipping in a group. Feeling that you are understood just a little bit in a broken world. It is hopeful. and messy. Beautiful.
Communion is something else I long for. To taste the wine and bread, to feel it slide down my throat and really feel Grace and Repentance and Love, all in a bite and a sip. To watch others take it and feel comraderie. A sense of belonging. Sharing sorrows and joys.
Singing. My church has wonderful, wonderful music (thank you BTM and company). I love the sound of many Christians singing the words that were written so many years ago, yet strike a chord with so many of us. Closing my eyes and singing, tapping my toe to the beat, watching a child that I love get into the music and just let go, unaware of how she looks. To see a women crying during the same song.
sigh.
I miss it. all of it.

I see Spots and so should you!

Friday August 17 at the Speakeasy, check these guys out. Not only do they make kickin' flyers, they also play the best live sets I have ever seen. Seriously, I would not lie about this. I may lie about many things, but music is not one of them. They are improvisational, so watching them is a lot like sitting around a living room with these guys. Except with beer and about 100-200 other folks. Plus, they are making a live recording, so you may be famous. Who doesn't want that? So, to sum up: The Spots...Speakeasy...August 17. I will be there and will allow you to buy me a beer.



See you there!

oh yes, the link to their music is on the right, in case you don't believe me.

Bring $5 to buy the CD, you will be glad you did.