Moved!

I have moved to my very own website! www.elisa-munoz.com

All of this stuff and more is over there.

I'm back! (who knows for how long!)

I have had so much change in my life and so much beauty that I need to write about it, express it, get it out. I may start another blog (blogger is so old school!), or I may stay on this one.

Let's see...i lost my job, sold my car, got a coffee shop job, then got a job as Program Coordinator for Greater Birmingham Community Food Partners (along with the barista job), moved again (hopefully for the last time for a looong time) and am in a new and wonderful relationship. All since September. Damn. Busy girl.

Spring is coming and I am finding myself wanting to all the familiar things: gardening, cooking, bike riding, eating outdoors. Renewing, life giving things.

In deciding to work for a Non-Profit as my main job, I am giving up a lot. A lot of money, stability...the things that attract people to corporate America. However, I am gaining to very very much. A sense of accomplishment, a purpose and the kind of meaning I have been searching for in a job.

Oh, what does my job entail? Glad you asked! Greater Birmingham Community Food Partners (GBCFP) is a grassroots organization that seeks to put healthy, fresh food in the hands of all Birmingham residents. What does that mean? It means I am a connector. I connect neighborhoods, people, organizations and the like with the resources they need to get fresh food. I am also part of the Healthy Kids, Healthy Communities Grant awarded to Birmingham by Robert Wood Johnson. More on that later, I promise.

I hope that this is the (re)start of a conversation about food, health, beauty, community and all things beautiful, broken and redeemed.

I will also say that I have missed you all.

teeny tiny update

sold my car! bike only. in a good(ish) place. wondering about my place and where it should be. a bit lonely, but really...who isn't? Loving my city and what is happening, still feeling out of place. Have a great community. not cooking much (no time), but eating well and often! concentrating a bit more on writing, personally and otherwise. Exciting things in the future.

not really writing here anymore. see me over at Bike Skirt.

Hopeful, as always...

ciao

The waiting is the hardest part

Tomorrow is Scott's birthday. Days like this it hits me suddenly what happened and I feel short of breath. Not because it is so hard still (although it is not easy), but because when I think of the actual facts of what happened, I can't believe I have come out of it as unscathed as I am.

The worst part is the not knowing. That is also the sweetest. When a relationship hasn't worked out, I can clearly see why and watch the person and I grow apart. Not in this case. So many, many what-ifs. He was trying to get better when he died, which was so hard to hear. What would he have been like during and after rehab? what would have happened if he had cleaned up and we had gotten married...what would my life look like? For so long I wanted to see some redemption from it all. These days that is coming a little more easily.

I have a lovely, lovely life currently. I am in a good place and think my life is where it is for a reason. However, I think I will always wonder what would have happened if I had married that boy who was just so damned crazy about me. Who was lost and sad, but so fun and happy and joyful in the midst of it all. I think the possibilities and the wondering are a gift from God to make this easier. I can imagine the best and not relive the worst. Plus, I don't have to think about what have happened had he not gotten help, but spiraled into a life of drugs and pain, with or without me in it. He won't have to worry about bringing pain to me, his family and his friends.I can rest knowing he is where there are no tears or pain. I like that.

Happy Birthday Scott. May 6 will always be a special day to me.

Fighting the good fight

I have been thinking and discussing quite a bit lately about good vs. evil. As in, the good in us vs. the evil (flesh?) and what is truly who we are.

We are all sinners and always will be. So we are all jerks and assholes and manipulative and weak and fearful and hurtful. However, we are also created in the image of God. How do we reconcile these things? With Grace. I think...

To me it is all about the fight. Yes, I am a sucky, sucky sinner and will continue to be. But if I am fighting it with all my might, isn't that what it is about? The fight against my flesh? And letting Grace wash over me as I continually fail and screw up, knowing that It Is Finished?

Random thoughts on Good Friday.

This could be crazy

I am considering some things lately. Here are a few of them:

1. Buying used for one year. Clothes, shoes, etc. The only thing I may buy new if needed is bike parts...I use it too much to risk.

2. Selling my car. From there I will either a)not get one or b) get a really cheap one for emergencies.

3. Learning to play an instrument. I am thinking acoustic guitar because I can't fit not afford a piano. I have been wanting to do this for a long, long time and I think now may be the time.

4. Making it a point to write as much as possible. I have gotten better at this, although this blog may seem to prove otherwise. However, I have been writing in a journal more and enjoying the act of putting pencil to paper. So much so that I want to write even when i don't want to write.

I think that is enough for now. Too much probably. These are the ideas that are rolling around in this tiny head of mine (seriously, have you looked at my head lately...it is really small. Like, childrens helmet and ski goggles small!).

Hope Springs Eternal

This stupid blog deleted everything I had just written here! It was a lovely, eloquent post about hope and lent and Spring and trust and life.

oh well.

To sum up: Maybe I am experiencing sorrow before Joy...isn't that what Lent is? I am feeling that vibe.

Spring is coming, lots of good stuff going on in my life.

stupid blogger.

*is this a sign that maybe I don't need to share so much? hmmm*