I'm back! (who knows for how long!)

I have had so much change in my life and so much beauty that I need to write about it, express it, get it out. I may start another blog (blogger is so old school!), or I may stay on this one.

Let's see...i lost my job, sold my car, got a coffee shop job, then got a job as Program Coordinator for Greater Birmingham Community Food Partners (along with the barista job), moved again (hopefully for the last time for a looong time) and am in a new and wonderful relationship. All since September. Damn. Busy girl.

Spring is coming and I am finding myself wanting to all the familiar things: gardening, cooking, bike riding, eating outdoors. Renewing, life giving things.

In deciding to work for a Non-Profit as my main job, I am giving up a lot. A lot of money, stability...the things that attract people to corporate America. However, I am gaining to very very much. A sense of accomplishment, a purpose and the kind of meaning I have been searching for in a job.

Oh, what does my job entail? Glad you asked! Greater Birmingham Community Food Partners (GBCFP) is a grassroots organization that seeks to put healthy, fresh food in the hands of all Birmingham residents. What does that mean? It means I am a connector. I connect neighborhoods, people, organizations and the like with the resources they need to get fresh food. I am also part of the Healthy Kids, Healthy Communities Grant awarded to Birmingham by Robert Wood Johnson. More on that later, I promise.

I hope that this is the (re)start of a conversation about food, health, beauty, community and all things beautiful, broken and redeemed.

I will also say that I have missed you all.

They had a Dream

Well, I am certainly excited. They just (5 seconds ago) declared Barack Obama President elect of the United States of America. I know it sounds cheesy, but it is pretty F-ing exciting to be part of this historic day. It feels hopeful.

No matter what happens in the next four years, this certainly says a lot about where our country is and how the fight that many have fought for civil rights was not in vain. I don't often feel very proud of American, but tonight I am.

Plus the free coffee and chicken sandwich were nice.

How deep is that river?

Thanks Fred O for introducing me to the song from which this post is named (By Mason Jennings). I have been listening to it a lot today.

This post is going to be angry and heavy, so if that is not your thing, you might want to click on another Blog (there are lovely ones on the right side).

Someone I know died today. I was not close to him (although he unknowingly had an impact on my life...as proof that there are still good men out there). His death has had a huge impact on me today. I am sure that is from my still fresh wound, but it sucks nonetheless. I don't understand. What the fuck is God doing? Dewayne is married, so his wife is now a widow. Tonight, I am having a really hard time believing that God does not hate women.

We were created to be helpers. So, why am I alone? Why is Cheryl now alone? Why are so many great, great women alone? The very thing that we are created to yearn for is taken away or not given. WHY? What is the purpose? I don't understand. I know that I am supposed to trust and not understand...but I need something. It is getting harder and harder to believe in a God that does things like this. I try hard to do as I believe He is leading me. Where has that gotten me? Alone and sad.

I know, I know...I have great friends and a good job, great apartment, health. I am thankful for those things. But right now, that is not enough. If God has put these yearnings in me, then I want him to show up. Quickly. Because I am not sure how much longer I can be brave and trust him.

I think that this is what is known as a 'crisis of Faith'. Great.

The lyrics to this song can be found here. The ones that have been in my head all day are;
Before I put my trust in you, I just want to know how deep.

yes, how deep?

Whole Trends

There is a movement that is growing rapidly, perhaps you have seen or heard about it. It is called many things; "Green", "Localvore", "Slow Foods"....you know, Michael Pollan and Barbara Kingsolver and CSA's and growing your own food, etc. An argument I have heard often against this is: It's so trendy. People are only into it because it's cool.

My response-So what?

If it is cool to eat well and support local economy and wonder where your lettuce comes from, well, I don't have a problem with that. Sure, the name Michael Pollan is thrown around...and the word "organic" has been raped of it's original meaning. I know that there is also a growing trend of Industrial Organic farming (meaning feed lots and no grazing, but 'organic' feed and grains) and that Whole Foods gets the majority of it's food from a few huge farms, but I am still hopeful. I think that the reason this trend has caught on is that it is what our society is longing for. It feels good, it connects us to things bigger than us (that does not have a CEO).


It is bigger, yet smaller. The world is huge now, much too big for me to grasp. Aren't we made for community? I see so much community in talking to a farmer about his land as you buy eggs and radishes from him. Seeing their children, the ones they are supporting with the vegetables that they refuse to poison on the land that they don't want to sell to an Industrial Farm. Knowing that the peaches you eat are grown just a few miles from your house and the honey you put on your toast is from a hive that has not been lost in Alabama. Sure, that means that I haven't had grapes in a while, and I do miss that. But I will not be eating a tasteless peach or homogenized honey.

This is not to say that I am against eating all things not grown here. I do it all the time. However, each time I shop, I think about my food and my body. I wonder how tasty a tomato that is just now ripe in the stores, clearly picked weeks ago and ripened in a truck is going to be. I normally pass it up. There are some (many) things that are not produced here, and I am thankful that I am able to get them if I so desire (coffee!).

Here is my point (and I do have one)-If everyone who is following this 'hip new food trend' wondered about their food, a difference would be made. I believe in grass roots movements and small change. I believe that my shopping trends and eating trends have an impact. I believe that our families will be healthier and our children more respectful of their food and community. I believe it is better for my health (both body and mind) to eat good, wholesome food that I or someone in my community has grown. I know that homemade stock if better than store bought, sue me.




In the words of a good friend: F*@k cornsyrup.

Redemption

This was to be my wedding day. It was a lovely day with friends who celebrated life with me.

Beauty in the ruins.

Alabama the Beautiful

I don't know how much longer I will stay in Alabama. I have a year long lease, so at least another 11 months, but after that...who knows where God and my life will take me?

Because of this, I have vowed to take the next 11 months to see Alabama. Do Alabama. I am going to treat our lovely state as though I were a tourist. I don't want to leave (IF) and miss out on all of the wonderful events and places and foods and people of the place I have called home for the past 5 years.

I started today. CJ and I started out about 9am. We drove to York to see The Coleman Center for the Art, a small gallery smack in the middle of a little town (run by 2 people whose last name is Munoz!!). Alas, there was no exhibit, so we peaked into the window and explored York. Did you know that there is a Progressive Childrens College of Common Sense? According to this article, it is "which will serve as a launching pad for a preschool education program". That is one hell of a name!

Downtown York (also see the above article) is lovely, with everything from a beautiful basket weaving shop, stained glass and mosiac studio to a store called "the Watch ma call it" shop, where CJ spotted 'Nsync dolls, right next to vintage vases. We also spotted what we think is a bike shop, and a blues bar in the midst of renovation. Took some great pictures of bldgs and the train (which I considered jumping on and seeing where I end up...). all in all, a cool little place that I would never have seen but am glad that I did.

By the way, York is called "The City on the Move.".

Back in the car to drive another hour through small towns and past farms and cottages and struggling communities to Faunsdale...for a Crawfish boil! I grew up on Crawfish, and eating them is comfort food for me. We hunkered down on overturned milk crates and ate etouffe, boiled crawfish and beer. Wandered, listened to conversations as well as BAD country music (has it gotten worse lately?...it was gross). Then we did what probably looked funny to everyone there. We pulled out books, found a shady shop a bit hidden away took off our shoes (I had another fire ant incident, so was itching and stinging like crazy. sigh.) and read. We had our beer, we were reading books and we were happy. It was great. Stayed for a few hours and hopped back into the car home. We both lament the fact that they had not set up the mechanical bull yet, we had dressed accordingly!

On the way home, CJ introduced me to Northport and we stopped in the Kentuck studio and perused the wares. I am learning the the art community in Alabama is large and varied, but a small, interconnected community. Very cool. The drive home was stunning, with small farms and cows lounging all around us. The interstate was flanked on both sides by a lovely rose colored plant. I came home exhausted but happy.

First day of Year of Tourism: successful. Tomorrow: Old 280 boogie in Waverly, AL. This is year 2 for me and I LOVE this festival. Waverly is a cool town with great people and a kick ass festival. Check out Standard Deluxe print shop and eat at The Yellow Hammer. A 2 hour drive that is well worth the drive.

So here we go. I have some places in my mind (Rural Studio, Tannehill, Kentuck festival, Black Warrior River, Ava Maria Grotto, etc, etc), but I clearly do not know all the secrets that Alabama has to hold.

Are there places you want to go? Somewhere you have been or heard of? Somewhere that I simply must go? Please tell me! I will probably be chronicling my trips and experiences here. I know that I will not get to them all, but I am sure going to try.

This keeps popping to my head as I write this,
"If you can't be with the one you love, honey, love the one your with."

Freedom is just another word for nothin' left to lose

Here are a few things that I have noticed lately:

1. If you live alone and oversleep, no one is around to wake you up. You just keep sleeping. Then you are late for work. Again.

2. There is a lot of emphasis on the word Are in my life right now. An example:

Me: hello
them: Oh hi. How are you?
Me: I'm ok
them: Are you? That's great, that's really great. I'm praying for you every day and sacrificing things on your behalf...that is how much of a good person I am. Are you sure you're ok?
Me: Well, besides the fact that people seem to have forgotten that English is my first language, so they don't have to talk slowly...I'm ok. Thanks for asking. Oh, and stop telling me all the time that you are praying for me. It is freaking me out.


or something like that.

3. Men look at breasts first. They just do. I have accepted it. I think that if I went to another planet, and they had an arm in the middle of their head, I would look at it all the time. I think it's sort of like that.

4. The Beatles are awesome. I don't know how I went my whole life without truly grasping this.

5. Fresh food is better. Better tasting and better for you.

6. I don't like women who find their whole identity in their children. I hope that if/when I have some, that I can talk to people about other things and not parade them around as though they are a new handbag, making them do tricks and hug everyone they see. I do not need your kid to hug me. Please don't say "Give Miss Elisa a hug". Don't get me wrong, I love kids and hugging kids...but your kid hugging me is not going to make my life better. Especially when they are being forced to do it. They are not prostitutes...stop treating them as though they are. Hug Miss Elisa and get a treat...gross

7. I love my apartment. It just happened. One day I came home and realized that I really love it.

8. I have great friends. Even when I feel alone, I know that. I wish that everyone had a community that is as wonderful as mine. truly.

9. People read stupid stuff. I look at our bestsellers and am amazed at how much crap is on it. utterly useless, inane crap. The book equivalent of reality TV.

10. I will do anything to avoid working on my screenplay.

Simple as it should be

I love this face. and I miss it.

He looks so happy here. Carefree and light. The boy I fell in love with. I almost don't remember him like this, but everyday I remember it a little more.

People ask me if I have any romance in my life. I was talking to a friend about this, and she said "You do have a love interest. He happens to have died, but he is still your love interest". Yes, he is.

I was always so worried about him and his health. Any little stomachache would have me in a tailspin, worrying his cancer was back, or his immune system was still messed up. My greatest fear was his death. I would cry just thinking about it. Now is is a reality in my life, in a way that I never would have imagined. How does life stray so far from the way we picture it?

Last night I spent time with dear friends, and we started talking about how much I have changed in 2 years. I am not sure that I would recognize that self walking down the street. I think of things that I did and things that I let happen and I am stunned. At the time of intense change, I couldn't imagine things being better. Yet here I am, thankful that those things have changed. I am sure that that story would have also been beautiful, but I would never have learned the things I learned and become the person that I am today. Someone who is more sure of herself than ever. Someone who won't be put aside and told she is not good enough. Someone who doesn't straighten her hair everyday and rides a bike in a skirt. Who prefers gardens over bars and beer over martinis.

I don't know what I was trying to say in this post. I started with a picture and here we are, miles from where I thought I would be. Seems about right.

Carrie sent me this saying that she thought fit me. I love it, and want to have it letterpressed and hung in my house, over my bed. It is this:

fluctuat nec mergitur
"Tossed by the waves, she does not sink."

then she said that she wished my tossing were more like surfing! I have always wanted to surf...

In a couple of years he has built a home, sweet home

'Homeless' man kicked out of his treehouse.





He loves his home. The government is kicking him out, saying that this is a liability for the city, and that it is not a home where anyone should live.

I am not exactly sure why, but this pisses me off.

UPDATE: His neighbors bought him an RV and sold it to him for a penny! Now he is looking for a place to park it. Beautiful, huh?

Give them a sense of pride

A story from a co-worker:

Her nephew, a short, skinny 2nd grader with glasses and a surprising amount of intellect, was busy in his bedroom with markers, poster board and sticks. His mother comes in and asks him what he is making. He carefully explains to her that he and his friend (who is very similar in stature and visual acuity) were tired of being picked on. Then he proudly held up a piece of posterboard, which read:

WE ARE THE BULLIES NOW. WE WILL PULL YOUR UNDERWEAR OVER YOUR HEAD!

They were going to picket the bully.

Could we do that with the government? What about ex-boyfriends? Corporate execs?

I'm just sayin...

She's not so usual

Tonight I was hurriedly getting ready to go out to listen to a rock and roll band and drink a few ale's, finishing dinner and scrubbing the dirt from under my nails. I realized that I probably smell like bacon and dirt, and then I thought "Surely that is some guys dream!". Then I laughed my butt off alone in my apartment and thought "hmmmm, crazy: not most guys dream.".

Tales of a dissatisfied apartment dweller...and her semi-famous dinner

Check me out on Apartment Therapy.com! Look here to see my dinner fixins. (I am elisaruth under Good Links). I am participating in The Cure, an 8 week apartment overhaul and re-do. This weeks assignments were (are) long and laborious. They are: Clean kitchen top to bottom, cook one homemade meal (see pic), clean out pantry and fridge, buy fresh flowers, make an outboz and clear one horizontal space. Oh yeah, and run your hands over every wall in the house, moving the furniture and all. The author has very interesting ideas for why all of these things are important, and so far they are actually making a difference. You can check out the book on Amazon. It is different from most decorating/organizing books in that you focus on doable goals and only do what you can afford and want.

So far I have: cooked, cleaned out pantry and fridge and 1/2 of the kitchen. Tonight I am tackling the oven and plan to try out an all natural cleaner of baking soda and water. Week one had me buying fresh flowers, scrubbing the floors, and replacing with all natural cleaners. Lucky for me I went all natural a year ago.

This program is intended to kick start you into living in and loving your apartment. That is more difficult than it seems because they are often so temporary and big changes are impossible. You have to work with what you have. I am re-doing the bedroom, painting it next week and getting some more new (free!) furniture tomorrow.

As I have said, the part of my house I love the most is the kitchen that leads out to the back door. The breeze comes through and natural light shines right onto the island I pull out. Plus, my homegrown herbs and compost pile are a step away.

What is your favorite part of your home? Why?

Comfortably Numb

I have settled into a little routine lately that seems to be helping me survive and maybe, just maybe, enjoy things a bit. I have always been a bit of a routine person (hello, OCD), but my life has been such that a routine never really works. Unless you count drama and chaos as a routine (in which case I am very practiced!). Even growing up I did not have much sameness. We moved a lot, my mother worked retail and my dad changed jobs pretty often. I cannot tell you how many houses I lived in growing up. To some extent I enjoy this fact…I can adjust to change, make friends easily, etc.

College was always a move, a boy, a changed major, working, classes, partying (something I learned well from my folks). Never a routine. I know people who have always had Red Beans and Rice on Mondays, without fail. Or who spend every Sunday morning with their coffee and a book. I have never been that person…until now. ( This is where I originally planned to post my routine, but it was long and probably boring. I may post it later, as this blog has become like the journal I don’t keep that I like to look back on. ) Suffice it to say, my day includes coffee, praying, working, reading, cooking, gardening, cleaning. Occasional walks or bike rides. Everyday, although a bit different, has the same structure to it. It is quiet and safe and comfortable and sometimes even calming.

I do often have friends over or do something fun, but the routine just shifts a bit. I know what my days will look like and that is safe and nice. Safe has become my mantra, my thing. Who knows how long this will stay for. I am not particularly enjoying anything, but am settling in to my life as it is now. Not happy, but not as gut-wrenchingly sad as much. Those days seem to be lessening. Not gone, but not as life defining. I look forward to longer days, more sun, more mojitos and guacamole, more fresh veggies and relaxing company. I am hopeful for spring, hopeful for change, hopeful for hope. What else is there besides Hope? That's the thing.

I try to keep myself occupied, 'cause I know you're not coming home

Here is the truth that I have been hiding for a few weeks. I am not doing well. At all. If any of you were wondering why I have been so distant, that is why. Probably also why I have been blogging like crazy...so as not to have to really talk to anyone and distract myself.

I am a mess. Every night I cry, weep myself to sleep. At least an hour of this. I can't stop buying shit that I know won't make Scott come back. I hate my new apartment (don't get me wrong, it is very nice and lovely, but i resent it and everything it means). I invite people to come over, hoping that it will make me like it more. Nope, not at all. I pore through garden books and homey catalogs, thinking that maybe new curtain, or kitchen gadget or, hell, even a new bed will make me like it more. Even my couch is not comforting, which is surprising, for those of you who know me well. I have called in to work 3 days in 2 weeks.

I am tired. Physically and emotionally. I will soon also be broke. I wake up everyday and get ready to put on my happy face and 'do the day'. What I really want to do is make a sheet out of Scott's t-shirts and sleep in it. Maybe get up to ride my bike to a coffee shop, but mostly just sleep. The loneliness is oppressive and overwhelming. I thought that time was supposed to make things easier. It seems to be getting harder and harder every day.

I pretend to be hopeful, but I don't think I am. I don't want to take any more chances, I don't want to get hurt again. I am not sure that I can take it. My whole future just disappeared. What do I do now? Move to cali? Go to school? Stay here? Even the thought of going to church exhausts me b/c of the hurt there. I want somewhere to feel safe, and right now nowhere does.

When folks ask how I am going I can't seem to muster the courage to be honest. I shrug and say 'ok', or 'I just bought a bike!'. Somehow it is easier to post it here (I am screwed up, I know). I am lacking in the bravery area currently.

A good friend put on his Christmas Post "I hope for hope". That sentiment comes to mind literally every day since I read it. That is what I am hoping for as well...hope.

Only good tears from this picture. and big smiles.

Halloween 2007. Went as Britney and K-fed's best friends. Someone just sent me this picture and I like it. Sorry Mom and Abuelita for the beer and the belly! You should probably start praying for my soul now...

I miss him. We had so much fun. A lot. Dance parties, reading silly parts in books to each other, taking naps head to foot on my huge couch, planning the bakery/bookstore/coffee shop/diner we would open in Vermont (that we would ride our bikes to every day!), making fun of my seriously long toes...fun times. I miss that impish little smile he has in this picture.

It has seemed hard to really grieve, because not that many people in my life knew him well. All that most people know now are the ugly parts, but there was SO MUCH more to him than that. He was a great guy and really loved me. More than any man has loved me. He pursued me like crazy. It was nice and unexpected. I fell hard and fast for those eyes and that boy who wanted to know more, more,more about me. Did you know that he told his mother that he was going to marry me a year before we ever went on a date?! The first time we met he proposed. A year later, I said yes. Although he hurt me, I don't doubt for a second that he loved me madly. Drugs are powerful. However, they were only a small part of him and of our story and for that I am so thankful. I just recently found out that Scott died trying to get off of drugs. I think it was too hard and he was weary. I will never know.

I still don't understand his death and probably never will. I have to either say that God could not stop this from happening (and what kind of a God is that), or that God knew it and let it happen, which is hard to swallow. Really, really hard. I demanded that He get me through it and He is. Slowly and painfully I am trudging on. I am hopeful for my future and mourn my loss.

Suffice it to say, I miss him, my best friend and reading buddy.

Thanks everyone for hanging in there for this post. I am not sure why it is now, nearly 2 months later, that I felt the need to write this, but it seems to have lifted my burden a bit. So thanks.

Weekend round-up

I just finished my first entire weekend in my new home. It was unexpectedly lovely, for so many reasons. Here is a run down (because I am sure you are just dying to know my weekend details...)

Friday night I said goodbye to Angelica, an unexpected friend from China. She is so brave and fun. She also dresses like Slash sometimes! I also had refreshing, authentic conversations with RMC friends. Went home and went to bed early.

Saturday I started the day with a coffee cupping at Primavera with C.J, a friend who went from a blogger friend to a 'real' friend. I had the best Mocha that I have found in town so far (the very best mocha is from Mocha in downtown Milwaukee...a wonderful mix of dark chocolate, milk, caramel, foam...mmm). The cupping was wonderful and introduced me to their fresh roasted Brazilian blend, which I promptly bought. Then on to The Summit, where I found out that poppies grow in Alabama! Picked up a packet of those and the Smith and Hawken catalog, a dreaming gardeners, well, dream! Next stop, Williams Sonoma. Again, more dreaming and buying. Grapeseed oil in a tin, biscuit cutters...
I digress.
Stopped by Starbucks to have coffee and spend time with a friend I hadn't seen in a while and friends I see often. Kidnapped far-away friend for bike buying excursion. 1 hour later, I was the proud owner of a cool cruiser. Said cruiser has been described by a friend as 'the mac of bikes, sleek and black and white". sigh. It's true. I rode it to a bookshop and grocery store, wearing a skirt and checkered Vans, feeling like a million bucks!!
The day also included lunch and beer at The Garage, and cooking dinner for friends mentioned above. It ended at Bottletree for a Dance Party where I shook my ass with about 100 hipsters, decked out in spandex, dreads, and fanny packs. What a day. The best one I have had in quite some time.
Today (Sunday) I have read my Teen book (An Abundance of Katherines). Thanks Tillman3x's for the rec and the borrowed copy. Also worked on my pesto recipe. Recipe to be shared soon, once it is tweaked a bit more. Modifications include arugula and sprouts. Also successfully tried Red Velvet cake balls from Bakerella.

All in all a very lovely weekend, full of friends, food and other feel good things. God really knows exactly how to make me feel at home here in my new little nest. It's funny how He shows up just when I am sure that he has forgotten me and reminds me that He knows me best and can speak intimately to my deepest fears and pains and longings.

Times have changed and times are strange

I spent my first weekend at my new home. I want to call it my new house or new apartment, because it doesn't yet feel like home, but I am hopeful it soon will.

Moving was bittersweet. I thought that I was done getting one bedroom apartments and living in them alone. As great as this place is, I resent it a little. It is a reminder of all I have lost as of late. However, it is a lovely little apartment and I think I will grow to love it. It is cozy and is beginning to feel safe. That's a start.

I also cooked my first meal here. First, I walked to the grocery store in the beautiful, dusk-y evening and looked around, trying not to feel like a stranger. It really is lovely, the neighborhood I now call home. I bought lots of fresh veggies and pasta (I am slowly trying to build up a respectable pantry), and headed home. There I cooked a delicious pasta dish with mushrooms, cherry tomatoes, fresh basil and garlic, with a side of Parmesan green beans.
I do really like my new kitchen. It has a little window sill that makes me very happy. My friend John brought me some flowers, so it is just adorable. I also have a little 'coffee cove' that is homey and caffeinated, sharing a space with my beautiful cookbooks. I love to drink coffee and peruse them for promising recipes and inspiring pictures. Apples For Jam is an especially beautiful one.
So, after a hot bath and a good book, I am settling down for night 2. Maybe tonight I won't need to leave a lamp on in the living room!

UPDATE: No lamp needed. However, narcotics were...but at least I was in a bed and not on a couch!

Caleb Treadwell

This little boy is now officially a Treadwell.

Caleb helps me believe in Redemption

I don't want to look back and wish...

I am ready to live boldly. Why are we wating? for things to settle down, get better, more secure, more money, more time...you get the picture. I have always wanted to live in California, but have been waiting. for...everything and nothing. I say that I moved to Birmingham to be closer to family, which is partly true, but I think I moved here because I was scared. and unsure. Then I stayed because of a relationship, then because of my church...you see where this is going. Well, the idea has popped back into my head. Only now, there is no real, tangible reason to stay that I can fall back on. I have my community, but even they are encouraging me to go. I am a transitional period, and that seems like the worst time to go, but I am starting to think differently. So this topic has been on my mind a lot.
Most people my age that I talk to are waiting to do something. the things differ but the waiting is the same. Why? We are waiting for life to settle down, waiting to see where this relationship goes, waiting for careers to take off. Always waiting. Really, this is the best time to take these chances. If we don't leave our corporate jobs now to chase our dreams of writing, or knitting, or teaching hula hooping to dogs, when will we do it? When we have a spouse and kids? I doubt that very much. This is the time to do these things. THE TIME IS NOW! I keep finding myself and others saying " I know that staying in the job or this apartment or this neighborhood won't matter in 10 years. If you can see that now then how much does it really mean?
We were not created to be safe. We were made to live, to love, to take risks to not waste this life. I am not saying this in a "do everything you want to", license sort of way. I am saying this in a stop living so safely kind of way. Enjoy creation. Enjoy opportunities. Jesus did not sit around, listening to Christian rock in his all white upper middle class neighborhood. He was in the world, rejoicing and suffering. He travelled, met new people, hung around "risky individuals", took chances. Life is Faith.
So, I don't know about you, but I am going for it. Taking my chances. I know I will screw it up some. I am screwing it up some now, I will always be screwing up. I am not going to insulate myself and hide. I don't want to wonder forever what would have happened. May sound cliche, but cliches have become that for a reason.