Comfortably Numb

I have settled into a little routine lately that seems to be helping me survive and maybe, just maybe, enjoy things a bit. I have always been a bit of a routine person (hello, OCD), but my life has been such that a routine never really works. Unless you count drama and chaos as a routine (in which case I am very practiced!). Even growing up I did not have much sameness. We moved a lot, my mother worked retail and my dad changed jobs pretty often. I cannot tell you how many houses I lived in growing up. To some extent I enjoy this fact…I can adjust to change, make friends easily, etc.

College was always a move, a boy, a changed major, working, classes, partying (something I learned well from my folks). Never a routine. I know people who have always had Red Beans and Rice on Mondays, without fail. Or who spend every Sunday morning with their coffee and a book. I have never been that person…until now. ( This is where I originally planned to post my routine, but it was long and probably boring. I may post it later, as this blog has become like the journal I don’t keep that I like to look back on. ) Suffice it to say, my day includes coffee, praying, working, reading, cooking, gardening, cleaning. Occasional walks or bike rides. Everyday, although a bit different, has the same structure to it. It is quiet and safe and comfortable and sometimes even calming.

I do often have friends over or do something fun, but the routine just shifts a bit. I know what my days will look like and that is safe and nice. Safe has become my mantra, my thing. Who knows how long this will stay for. I am not particularly enjoying anything, but am settling in to my life as it is now. Not happy, but not as gut-wrenchingly sad as much. Those days seem to be lessening. Not gone, but not as life defining. I look forward to longer days, more sun, more mojitos and guacamole, more fresh veggies and relaxing company. I am hopeful for spring, hopeful for change, hopeful for hope. What else is there besides Hope? That's the thing.