Christmas...Merry! Merry!

Weekend Round-up

I spent this weekend in Milwaukee for my sister Ashley's high school graduation. The weather was a bit rainy, but cool and breezy. It was a fun weekend that ended with my little brother crying and holding onto me so that i wouldn't go. It was adorably sad and made me thankful that I have siblings that are still young (26, 18 and 6!). Of course, I brought the new Nikon D40 (also known as 'my baby') and J.C was a very willing model. Here are some of my favorite shots of the weekend. Six year olds are so fun!

I wanna soak up the sun

This just in...

I AM GOING TO THE GALAPAGOS ISLANDS!!!

My sweet, sweet grandmother has planned a trip for most of us to go in August.

ok, must calm down.

Good thing I just bought accidental insurance on my new camera.

I've been lightly drinking and a little too much heavy on the thinking

I just had dinner with my sister. We have always had a funny (read: hard) relationship, but lately it has been good. We have been able to talk without the competitive edge that kept us so busy and apart for all these years. We speak into each others lives, but carefully and gingerly, knowing that the years must be made up and the trust must be earned. But it is happening...slowly but surely we are building the kinship that we have never had. It is funny how you can not talk (really talk) to someone for months and months, but having grown up together and shared formative years in each others company, you can know them so well. She was around in my awkward, shy phase, I was around in her rebellious phase. She has seen my heart broken by 'promising' guys, I have watched her struggle and triumph as a mother. Beautiful.

We drank too much wine, ate too much sushi and laughed a lot. We talked about aging and parenting and all the other things that come with growing up. I shared with her the struggles of Scott, and she regaled me with stories of Cooper (my nephew). We high fived over shared career triumphs. It was AWESOME. She is in town for a few days and I hope to spend each night doing this. It is so neat to watch your little sister grow up and realize that you have so much in common that is sewn into your DNA and some things that are funny and quirky and you know are from your crazy childhood!

Love you Di.

*I just bought a new camera and am taking pictures and practicing every day. I am probably going to be including them pretty regularly, even if they have nothing to do with the post at hand*

Weekend round-up

This weekend was relatively quiet. Nothing particulary bad ass, just my normal badassiness.
Friday-After work I did nothing. At all. I came home, started some laundry, sat on the couch...and fell asleep. I woke up at 9:30, putzed around, read a bit...and went back to sleep.
Saturday was a bit more exciting. Went to Urban Standard. I love it there, but don't go much because it is farther away than many other coffee shops and with the price of gas...you get the drift. Those of you who will in suburbia will say that it is not too far away (as it is only 10 minutes), but there are about 5 coffee shops on my way, so I prefer to stay closer to home. ANYWAY, I wrote a little bit and talked a little bit (and maybe flirted a little bit), and left. Went to my friend Natalie's to meet with her mother in law for a holistic healing diagnosis. It was so interesting and helpful. I have a package of supplements coming tomorrow. Roll your eyes if you like, but I believe wholeheartedly in holistic medicine and healing. It was also nice to see the home that Natalie and Allan have made. they are so cool.
I then raced home to get ready for a party for a 1 year olds birthday, sat on the couch...and fell asleep. I woke up 30 minutes late and sad, so I didn't go. Just wasn't in the frame of mind emotionally to be around happy, beautiful people. Maybe I should have gone, but i didn't. Sorry Treads. Then went to BAM at Brookwood to read magazines and hang out.
Sunday I woke up early and my Dad and his wife came for Brunch. I fixed a wonderful recipe from Apples for Jam. White risotto with fried eggs. Side of fresh Asparagus and thick bacon. It was delicious and the visit was nice. My Dad and I have had a tenuous relationship for some time now. However, this time things were different. He was gentler and seemed happy. Less angry and impulsive. He told me that he volunteers at his church's breadbasket (the Church thing was shocking enough!), and he and June play scrabble for fun. It seems that after 50 years he decided to grow up. Good for him. Good for me. Good for our relationship. Took another nap (I slept A LOT this weekend) and then went to church. Again.
And you know what, I wasn't angry. I wasn't scared. It felt good. The sermon was wonderful. I saw people who had hurt me and felt no anger toward them, just sadness. Not weeping sadness, but a sadness that we are all sinners stuck here for while, trying to muddle through and not damage each other too much.
Then cooked a yummy dinner, wrote a bit, paid bills (thank goodness for the IRS and my bonus) and went to bed.
Another weekend down. No trauma. A success.

Next weekend: A crawfish boil, Old 280 boogie in Waverly and the Botanical Gardens Earth Day Celebration...stay tuned

Little Darlin' it seems the snow is slowly melting

Pictures from Easter!
Some were taken by me, some by family...some even by my 5 year old brother. There are many, many more, but these capture the day pretty well. Enjoy.

Weekend round-up

This weekend round-up is belated due to exhaustion. I was too tired from the very weekend I was attempting to write about. After 2 rambling, incoherent attempts (I know, I know...how is that different from every other post? it was, somehow), I gave up and decided to wait until I had an ounce of energy. So, here we go.

Friday I eagerly anticipated the arrival of family. Unfortunately, their 12 hour drive had snowstorms, car accidents (not theirs) and traffic, so I did not get to see them. However, I spent the evening grocery shopping, cleaning out bookshelves...I got rid of over 40(!) and worrying about the impending holiday...the one where I had decided to have 9 people to my tiny apartment for Easter supper.

Saturday was re-no day. My mom and I painted my bedroom (2 coats) and arranged furniture. This took all. day. Carrie and her mom stopped by for the mom's to meet. My mom cried when she saw Carrie and thanked her for taking good care of me after Scott's death. It was a touching moment. An unexpected trip to the paint shop (no-VOC paint is wonderful, I used Harmony by Sherwin Williams and there no fumes at all...however, it takes a bit more paint than the normal, chemical filled kind. Just so you know )and a lunch at O'Carrs, and then just 1 more hour of painting and we were done! Then I relaxed by going to V.I.P night at the new restaurant in town, Fire and Ice. It was lovely. Complete with free food, not free beer, flirting waiters, delish meals and way too much laughter. We spoke of the thermostat as though it were a person! And we weren't even intoxicated! We were also shushed by a bitter fellow outside. I may or may not have said something along the lines of 'if his wife were half as loud as we were, he would probably be a happier man'...or something like that. Went home, where more family came into town and we finished up the apartment prep for...
EASTER! Woke up early and went and had coffee with my little sis, Ashley. It is so nice to see her. She moved to Wisconsin in Dec., and this is the farthest we have ever lived apart. She is one of my best friends and it is nice to have her staying with me for most of the week. Lots of sitting on the bed late at night talking about life. ANYWAY, then the madness began. We straightened, mopped, did food prep...the works. Mom came over and real work began. I did not have foil for the ham (who knew you needed foil?), nor did I have enough potatoes...thank God for the Western's Easter hours. Everything was scheduled for 2...so at 1:45 they all started rolling in. We had been counting on those last 15 minutes to get a lot done, so the moment the cars pulled up was a flurry of last minute activity ("Quick, grab my handbag, hide this mirror we never got around to hanging, move the coffee table, Ashley, go stall...er, help them out of their cars!").
The next 4 hours passed in a haze of cooking, talking, playing baseball in the backyard with my 5 year old brother and good memories of Scott. Oh, didn't I mention? To honor Scott and do something that I knew he would love, I invited his paternal Aunt and Uncle and Grandmother. They got along just swimmingly with everyone, and I think everyone fell in love with everyone else. Lots of laughing and politics talk (what is it with people over 65 talking loudly about politics?) and remembering holidays past. Stories were told, glasses were lifted, friends were made. It was a very redemptive meal for me. Here in my apartment, inviting everyone to my table and preparing food. Breaking bread with one another, knowing the sadness that had past and feeling the new life that Easter and Spring bring with them.
The house emptied at 6:45 and I sat down exhausted. Shed some tears over the sadness of doing this by alone and missing Scott. He would have loved it. Every second of it. He would have been in the kitchen, cooking and out back, playing baseball, pouring wine for the older folks and telling stories with Sue Ellen.
At 8:30 I was in bed, asleep by 9:30. Whew.

Easter had new meaning for me this year. Life after death. Celebration after Mourning. Feasting after fasting. Yes.

*pictures to come soon*

Cute Overload

This is a letter that my 6 year old brother, JC, penned to the Tooth fairy, following my Aunt Shirleys advice to ask for a lot of money. I loved it and wanted to share it!

snowy Thanksgiving

This Thanksgiving was good and bad. It snowed last night, and Scott and I got to drive back to the apartment where we are staying (which is Downtown and wonderful...thanks Maryann!) at 11 with snow around us and beautiful homes lining the streets. It is our first Holiday together and it has been so nice. The first night we went and had beer at a local brewery. The past month has been so stressful for both of us, so that was just what we needed. Bundling up in coats and hats, walking through town to get a killer Mocha and sit in front of a fire, talking. Talking about our wedding, about our plans, about spending our lives together.
That all sounds wonderful, and it was. Then Scott woke up this morning sick, very sick. Can't keep any food down, weak and shivering sick. He stayed here while I went and had Thanksgiving lunch. It is so bad that he is flying home early, which leaves me to make the 12 hour drive with 2 teenagers! Who knows, maybe God planned this so that I will get time with my family and Scott will get some time to rest. Who knows? All I know is that I am super disappointed. I am not going to change my plans and stay at my mom's. I am staying right here in this great, girly, urban apartment all by myself. Waking up tomorrow and walking amidst the snow and shoppers to get coffee and a muffin. Sitting at a bookstore, relaxing before the shopping frenzy begins with my family.
Adios muchachos.

Thankful for too much to list,
Elisa

You don't know where you are going until you know where you come from

This week has been really good to me. On Sunday night, I made a decision that was sort of big to me. It may not seem it to anyone else...but it is. I decided to go with my dream of making money from selling my screenprinted things (mainly T shirts, but I have big plans for other things). This was something I took up as a hobby a few months ago, and loved it. Even better, I am quite good at it. It is going to be hard, and I don't know what the hell I am doing, but that is not stopping me. ANYWAY...along the way, I also realized that perhaps I could sew some things too. You see where this is going...I opened my mind to creative possibilities and it was madness! I can make adorable stuffed creatures! Aprons! Bags! I felt so at peace and pleased. Somehow (probably Jesus) I started wondering about why I love this so much and why the idea of being 'crafty' makes me feel comfortable and peaceful.
It opened a window to my past. A connection to all of the women in my family. They are all crafters and creators. I recall summers spent making doll clothes and pillows at my Abuela's house. Painting little plastic boxes and Tote bags, embellishing pillows for my mothers bed. Doing this while my Abuelito did woodcrafts for us to paint. These are some of my fondest, safest memories of childhood. My maternal grandmother has always been crafty, but in a completely different way. She can pass any 'junk' pile on the street and see potential. So much so that she started her own flea market in New Orleans at age 70! and she is single! Even my parents were crafters. All of the curtains in our houses growing up were made from sheets, and I had a love affair with puff paints that is probably unrivaled. My father built the bookshelves that I use today.
Seeing this has cleared the way for me to see other connections. Such as my love for hospitality. Both of my parents grew up in houses with parties and family dinners. I remember watching my mother organizing elaboratly themed parties, and my father planning block parties (going so far as to get a permit to close down the streets for the kids). Other ways as well; my grandmother was very proper, and this is probably why I love using cloth napkins and won't use paper in my home (even just for a sandwich!).
It is really amazing what seeing all of this has done for me and my little soul. It has been redemptive at a time when I feel alone in my family. I feel less lonely, more connected. As though I know a little bit more of my story. I am so thankful that God opened my eyes to these things. The timing was perfect, I was feeling orphaned. Although that feeling remains, this softens that sting. I have never like traditions or history, but I think that was fear mixed with trepidation. I did not want to have anything in common with my parents. Now I am thanking God for these parts of me, and seeing the beauty in my family and in my messy life. I am hoping to take all of this and pass it along, more beautifully and tenderly. Make it my own, while keeping the heart of it.
When I sit down at my sewing maching, or take out another napkin, I can feel the women in my family cheering me on. I feel pride in continuing this tradition of making beauty from ordinary. It is peaceful and humbling. And indescribably redemptive.

How I am like Dave Eggers (or the story of this week)

So, this week has been pretty rough. Have not written in a while, b/c I did not even know where to start. So, I am going to start at the best place to start; the beginning.
My family is a wreck. Seriously, like Jerry Springer. I am still not sure when it got this bad. I guess it started after I was born and my father began his string of adultery and drug use. However, no one knew it was bad until 17 years later when he was caught and my mom kicked him out the day after Christmas. Merry Christmas kids! ANYWAY, it has been a sad, downward spiral since then. oh yes, and he has MS and is bipolar. (as a side note, it is ridiculously cathartic to write all of this.) Fast forward 10 years. My mother is remarried and moving to Milwaukee and taking my little sister. 1 month later, my stepfather threatens Ash, so she quickly has to move in with my Dad. 3 weeks later, my stepfather beats up my mom. She decides that this is ok, and takes him back, officially alienating Ashley from her life. Fast forward until now. Ashley has no respect for my dad, and is angry and acting out (duh). Runs away to her best friend/boyfriends house. What makes me so sad about this is that no one can see that Ashley is angry at my parents for effectivly abandoning her. All anyone can talk about is what a terrible person she is. I can see now that if they admit that she is angry and confused they have to admit that they abandoned her. It is easier for them to blame it on their emotionally wrecked 17 year old daughter. It is a very lonely place realizing that no one in your family sees what you see, and are angry with you for seeing it. My other sister will not talk to me (we had just patched up a lifelong bad relationship). My Dad only talks to me to be manipulative. My mother...well, I don't know what the hell she is doing, but she refuses to acknowledge any feelings at all.
back to the story: I drove to get Ashley, praying the whole time that God would help me figure out what to do. I decided that I would invite Ashley to live with me. We spent 2 days looking for apartments in Hoover (gross!), and going to her old school to enroll her, etc. Each thing we did reminded me that we are alone in this. I have no idea how to parent. I did it because Ashley needs to see that someone in our family is willing to make sacrifices for her. That she can fuck up and will still be loved. Well, last night, Ashley decided that she would rather go back and live with her boyfriend. I have to let her go, my heart breaking the whole time. She is moving into a 2 bedroom house with 7 people, including her boyfriend and her best friend and her best friends baby. Also 9 dogs. 1 bathroom. Why would she choose this over a stable place to live with me? I am hurt and confused. And, I confess, a little glad that I do not have to turn my life upside down, which I feel terrible for feeling.
This all feels like too much for one person to handle. It is reminding me of my lonliness. Making my yearn for Heaven. Forcing me to depend on God. I know that God has chosen me to suffer and that is a good thing, a gift. But, most of the time, I wish he would leave me the hell alone and choose someone else. I am weary. Overwhelmed. I can say this, occasionally, in the moments before I drift off to sleep, I feel so close to Him that it is all worth it.

I am 27 going on 28 (sung to the tune of "I am 16 going on 17)

This entry is going to be all over the place. "How is that different from all of your other posts?" you may ask. it is not.
First of all, this goes out to my good friend Jenn, who requested a blog about The Sound of Music. It is the best movie ever. Ok, that may not be true, but this movie makes me feel safe. When I had my latest eye surgery at the age of 24, the only thing that I wanted to do was watch The Sound of Music and sing along. That movie feels like home to me, which is saying a lot. And that Captain VonTrapp is just so dreamy. I love to watch it and sing along loudly with wine or beer. I am weird. There was redemption in that movie. The part that totally creeps me out however, is when they get married and then the children start calling Maria "Mother". i don't like that. I relate to Maria. I watched recently and it was so good to watch right now. It is about a woman trying to figure out who she is, and changing the course of her well-planned life to do it. I love that. so, that is my blog about The Sound of Music. I love you Jenn!

Last night I had some major family drama. It was heartbreaking. How did I become the voice of reason? And why am I the only person who sees certain things? How do parents fail their children and then wonder why suddenly there is an angry, bitter 18 year old acting out? messing up. It is so sad. I can't write any more about this right now, it is too fresh. more to come later.

I am thinking of going to film school for Screenplay writing. I did a crazy thing in July and I wrote a feature length film in 30 days. it was challenging, but fun. To my surprise I loved it, and am quite good at it. So much so that I have entered various contests and written more and want to pursue it. This prospect is very exciting for me, yet Terribly Scary. This entire past year, I have decided to let go of safe, and choose adventure. choose freedom. choose beauty. It IS scary, yes, but my life has been scary so far and I have made it. I am stronger. I figure why not choose scary, especially when it is exciting-scary, not suffering-scary. Nothing is really safe here. The illusion of control is all we have.

So, get ready for me to be the next Matt Damon...or at least have him star in one of my films. I am thinking something along the lines of 'girl leaves safe world, becomes world famous blogger and/or screenwriter, ends up marrying big star who stars in her first film'. Then gives millions to charities and open skateboarding parks in lower income areas. Oscar, here I come...