Who am I now?

Right now, I am trying to figure out how to incorporate this loss and pain into my life. Now that the newness is over, how do I live my life? When you get a cut it heals back, but often it heals back a little bit differently than how it once was.

How I am going to heal back? What are the scars going to look like? Will the pain always be here, but changed? Everything feels very unsure to me. As though I am in a new town and everything looks vaguely familiar, but I am not exactly certain of where anything is or how to get anywhere. Familiar yet strange and changed.

At least I am not alone. No one here can fully understand me, but I know that I am not alone. My Father understands me, and that is what I clinging to right now. With all of my might. During the nights when I toss and turn and weep and wonder...He is what I cling to. Even when I lamenting and moaning and pleading with Him to help me understand...He is what I cling to.

What else is there to cling to?